Making a Man Out of You

In Indonesia an elderly woman by the name of Mak Erot recently died, why should you be concerned by this fact?…I’ll get to that in a moment, but first I should announce that Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country are offering a combo free meal to anyone who comes into their restaurants this Friday dressed as a cow. I myself and thoroughly distraught over the fact that the only Chick-fil-A restaurant located in the greater Detroit Metropolitan area happens to be in Rochester, a lengthily drive from my house. I honestly don’t believe that it would be wise to travel such a distance on busy roads such as 696 and 75 while sporting an artificial udder… think of the teat chaffing that would occur. Chick-fil-A is just one example of many restaurants that seem to drag their feet when it comes to Michigan. Sonic, another drive-thru dick tease has been torturing us for years with commercials and just finally starting to build restaurants this year. I am convinced that there is some sort of secret society whose sole purpose is to make sure that Jack-in-the-box, Perkins, and Waffle House are to never cross the Ohio/Michigan border. All and all it appears that we here in Michigan will be stuck for the most part with the same old fast food fare and sit down sustenance we have been subject to for the last half of a century and miss the opportunity to experience more.

Speaking of missing opportunities…back to the subject of Mak Erot.

This Indonesian granny claimed to be anywhere between 101 and 130 years old, a confusion that I cannot seem to wrap my head around (21 years is quite the gap not to be able to account for). Her age though is not what is important, what is important was her technique of using ancient herbs and chanting Islamic prayer. Her skills were not passed on, and are now lost to the world forever. People like you and I will never benefit from her special skill because we learned of it only after her death. Yes Mak Erot had a special…nay… mystical skill that allowed her to increase the size of a man’s penis. I am not sure that we will ever see such talent again in this world, and I think that the world in general is worse off because of it.

Rest in Peace Mak Erot for today mankind has lost something great.

I guess I will stick to liberally showering my junk with MANDOM.

Perhaps my hope can be restored, for it seems that this Japanese stop watch has miraculous powers of its own, or at least I think that is what this commercial is about.


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I love British humor, and sometimes I am envious of the television shows that they have across the pond. This is not one of those times. I can only image the countless children who grew up scarred in the U.K. as a result of this children’s show.


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Here is another quality piece of cinema, starring none other than Billy Bob Thorton.


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The Platypus Got Nothin’

Today’s search for WTF was so disappointing that I nearly determined that I would not post anything. That is when I looked over at my little friend…the Uni-dragon-rocket-duck. What some people may see as just the paint scraped off of the half wall by many years of careless chair swiveling, I see as a symbol of love and hope. Uni-dragon-rocket-duck (who I have named Horace) reminds us that no matter how messed things seem at the time, they will never be as messed up as he is. Horace doesn’t let life get him down, and neither should you. In the end I decided to post the two mediocre videos that I found. It doesn’t matter that I feel that they don’t fit the mold of true WTF (or in the case of the second video, it’s just beyond WTF) because anyone who comes to my site today can revel in the soothing glory that is Horace the Uni-dragon-rocket-duck.



Childish and predictable, but worth a potty humor laugh

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

I don’t even think that I could classify this one as a CHALLENGE!!! It makes so little sense and is so painful that I don’t even think it fair to challenge you to watch it.

Unfortunately I did.


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My Head is Cold

Denmark has been ranked happiest country in the world, Canada and Northern Ireland also made high marks. I was pondering these facts when I realized that there was a similar criterion for all three of these countries, they are the proverbial hats of larger grumpier countries. Now that we know that “hat countries” are happy countries the real key is to look at what type of hat each country is. This helps up determine just how happy a county is.

Here is Northern Ireland:



As you can see, while N.I. is definitely the hat of Ireland, it is merely the Bowler hat of its southern neighbor, nice, but hardly extravagant.

Canada.



Canada has a subtle trucker hat quality. Enough to keep road glare out of the U.S.’s eyes, yet more functional than formal.

Now we come to the point where it becomes obvious why Denmark is the happiest “hat country” around.



One look at the gaiety that hat exudes and it is no wonder the people of Denmark are as happy as clams.

So what have we learned today? Nothing really, but I am not here to teach you as much as waste your time.

Now to the WTF

I think that this is best left with no introduction.



CHALLENGE!!!

I survived the whole thing, see if you can.

I think it was the mustaches that kept me going…or was it the seventies style porn music?


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Ummersay Ovinglay (or how I effectively use Latin)

It is no secret to those who know me that I hate summer. I generally spend 20 percent of a hot summer day just griping about how hot it is. I have always maintained that spring and fall are the superior seasons and winter is good as long as there is snow, but summer can bite my ass no matter what. Here is the point where all the phthisiophiliacs* out there start throwing arguments my way.

“But Todd, summer is great for cook outs!”

Charcoal burns year round and propane works well in spring and fall also.

“But Todd, when else am I going to work on my tan?”

Melanoma

“But Todd, think of all the great summer clothes!”

If cold you can always add more layers, but when hot you can only get so naked…legally.

“But Todd, when else can I thoroughly enjoy water sports?”

And that was the point where I used to concede defeat. Sure there are indoor pools and water parks, but nothing competes with being out on the open water… Or so I thought.

Open water is no longer safe thanks to the brain eating amoebas, and the phenomenon known as secondary drowning.

“But Todd, surely you jest, there are no brain eating amoebas, and who has ever heard of secondary drowning?”

There are and I have.

Naegleria fowleri is an amoeba that is quite commonly found in still warm waters. Generally considered harmless, this amoeba, if inhaled nasally has the ability to multiply in the nasal and sinus cavities where it then migrates into your brain and begins to devour your grey matter with a 97 percent fatality rate. By the time physical symptoms begin to occur, it is too late to save the patient.

Secondary Drowning is a condition that occurs up to 24 hours after a victim leaves a pool or body of water. It stems from a primary near drowning, or inhalation of water. This is nature’s mulligan. If someone has inhaled an appropriate amount of water, and they do not expel it, it can begin to change lung chemistry leading to respiratory collapse and death.

Now if the less than 200 victims world wide from these two fatalities are not enough to get you to hate summer, then I don’t know what else to do to convince you that I am right.

Yes I said less than 200 world wide.

My Cousin Kris once again tipped me off to an extremely excellent clip of WTF, enjoy all nine minutes of it.



I am trying to figure out if this is a spoof or not. I hope not, because I so want to make use of this service.


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I don’t care if you don’t like heavy metal music, cleavage, or Russians, this has got to be the best music video I have seen in quite a while.


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Thank great green gravy that we keep sending all of our jobs over seas. I know that I wouldn’t want to work in conditions like this, I am just glad that some one else will do it, so that our economy can suffer.


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I have always thought that Phyllis Diller was probably one of the most frightening things to crawl this terra firma; someone else seems to have agreed. The only problem is that I cannot figure out witch one is the animatronic zombie, and which one is Ms. Diller.


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* Contrary to the implication of my sentence using this term, phthisiophiliacs, are not lovers of summer, sunshine, or any associated summer activity. Phthisiophilia is actually defined as an extreme love of tuberculosis; I just thought the word looked fancy.

Normal Around the Corner

Here is just one little ditty to wrap up the week with. NSFW


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Modes of Transportation

Despite being busy I will update damn it!

Enjoy

This one is called We are the Cyclist


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Here is a little ditty called Rainbow Road is Where We Go When We Die



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Of Little Words

In lieu of my work week actually involving work this week, you can expect less rambling from me. I am sure some of you are disappointed, while others are probably celebrating. Yet a majority of you will never notice the difference because you don’t feel like having the purity of the WTF besmudged by my inane diatribes, and seldom look at anything but the videos themselves.

No matter how you choose to enjoy or suffer through toddsift, do so responsibly.

There are so many things to say about this Finnish Folk Death Metal video that I think it is best that I don’t say anything at all.


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Here is a clip that I passed up quite a while ago in fears that it was a bit too homo-erotic for toddsift. As this site has evolved, however, I think that this is no more disturbing than anything else I post.



This is a happy little clip involving three things.
1. Someone’s Grandma
2. A birthday party for said grandma
3. A Dildo


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