Steve Miller Said it Best

Today is your Thursday; and just so there is no confusion I am off work tomorrow, so that means that today is Friday for me. Following that logic I deeply apologize for not posting anything on "my Thursday" (which due to my last sentence has now ceased to exist). Seeing that I am not likely to post anything at home (because my home computer is currently a large paperweight) on what could be considered "your Friday" then this post does not actually exist.

That is unless this is actually that missing post from Tuesday

This video is a song about Burt Reynolds being Batman. Why? Just because. It has much non-church acceptable language in it (so don't listen to it too loudly when you are in church).


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I couldn't resist yet another literal translation video because its Rick Astley for Pete's sake.


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Oops, No Yesterday!

While life may be very busy for me these days, know that I will always love you and try my dandiest to bring you WTF


Here is another example of “Commercials that are to WTF for the U.S.A”.


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CHALLENGE!!!
Today’s CHALLENGE!!! is from a porno. There is absolutely no sex in this clip, just terrible CG and even more terrible acting…hence the CHALLEGE!!!


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This video makes me think of Australia, mostly because everyone has Koala noses.


Bana Panic! from Ori Ayalon on Vimeo

The following is Angela Landsbury-tastic!!!


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Penis, Snickers, Little Boys, and Uranus…In that Order

Sometimes the world makes my life really easy. Need a topic for toddsift? Just go to the internets, search a few sites, and viola! Instant WTF fodder is presented to you on a silver platter.


Remember kids; Pipe is for plumbing, not penises!

I love Mr. T and I know you do as well. Mr. T loves Snickers and hell tell you all about it (as well as answer some pressing questions).


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I used to think that I had a lot of time on my hands, but to recreate Michael “get’em before the hair does” Jackson’s Thriller using 64 vocal samples shows that not only do you have too much time, but perhaps you don’t mind pedophilia all that much.


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I think that today’s last video has got to be my favorite. There is cheesy and there is figure skating. But who knew that they went so well together (I just wish that I had the whole presentation instead of just the opening credits). Feel free to make your own Uranus jokes while watching.


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Brief

Its Friday so shut up and enjoy.

When I was a kid PBS had Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street. Now they have things like Captain Huggy Face. Yep we’re all doomed.


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Its too bad the quality of this video is so bad, the fart jokes really deserve better.


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Shout! Shout! Shout! Shout at the Toilet!

Once again there is more evidence that all is not right in the fine state of Pennsylvania.

That now brings the wacky count up to 3.

1. Assault with a deadly gnome
2. Attacked by a dead deer
3. Winning money for cursing at toilets

It is like it has become some sort of WTF Mecca.


Here is a song about chutney.


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Oh you kooky Japanese. Of course we want clothes that disguise us as vending machines.


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It’s Just Not Right

Today is one of those days when the purity of a single video is quite all that is needed to sum up a 24 hour period of WTF. There may be other things that you will encounter during the course of your Wednesday that you may stop and ogle at in confusion. There may be other web videos floating in the dark corners of the internets that could be prodded from their hiding places. There could also be headlines and pictures so intentionally bizarre that they cause synaptic meltdowns in the brains of those who witness them, but all of this is certainly unnecessary because today we have The Cat with Hands.


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Pesky Mountains

Sometimes I wonder if there is any limit to human narcissism. Book after book will tell you that we are the master species on this planet, but I won’t believe it until some of those books are written by the other species on this planet. I can bet you that ants don’t think us too organized, and owls think that we are down right noisy. It is for these reasons, and many many many more, that I just laugh when I read headlines like this one.

Who the hell do we think that we are telling something as ancient and stoic as a mountain that it has no right being right where it is? Scientists time and time again love to make these outlandish claims when something doesn’t exactly fit into their paradigm. It is the result of practicing science very incorrectly. I wish that I had my copy of Douglas Adams’ So Long and Thanks for All the Fish, because I think that a direct quote would be far more effective, but in lieu I will give you a general run down. In his book, Adams has a character who names himself Wonko the Sane. Why does he do this? The answer is a two-parter; First he understands that the only people who need to attach sane to their name must truly be insane. Second, Wonko is a scientist, and as a good one, he realizes that to understand the world scientifically you cannot possibly understand the world as a sane person would. All of the “sane” scientists, to Wonko, are doing science through too many preconceived filters. Filters that make them make preposterous claims about mountains not belonging where mountains belong.

On to the vids

This isn’t really WTF in fact it in many ways is a literal explanation of WTF, but given the reflexive nature of the universe I guess if you are attempting to define WTF then the definition itself becomes WTF….what am I saying, just watch it.


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Say what you will about Keytars, Lord knows that I have not been hesitant in the past, but the very thing that makes this video WTF is the fact that this is the least Keytar-esque Keytar performance that I have ever witnessed.


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CHALLENGE!!!

Tim Curry is generally a well respected actor in the world of film. I have noticed however that he will take what appears to be ANY role that comes his way. That is okay by me because it supplies me with today’s CHALLENGE!!! I fell about a minute short on my first attempt.


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It’s Richard, Damn it!

Oh come on…that has got to be a joke!!!

I don’t think that I will bother to top (or bottom) that one. Here is the WTF

This video just makes me want to throw my hands up and yell “I don’t know?!?!?” just in case anyone happens to be in the general vicinity. That way I can preempt any chance questions at to the possible meaning.


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CHALLENGE!!!

Boy this videos makes the skin crawl, it is not for those who get grossed out easily. It is also a bit on the NSFW side for due to its sexual themes but you can have the same sense of self accomplishment that I gained by sitting through the whole thing.

By the way, the title is Scab.


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Imagine the Giant Omelets

I don’t know why we are still mucking around with Iraq, when Iran would be a much better target for us to attack. After all, those kooky Persians are all but begging for a big old slice of American Ass Whoopin’ by flaunting their gigantic ostrich meat sandwiches. The 1500 meter sandwich in question was created in hopes of earning a spot in the Guinness Records while promoting Iran’s ostrich farming industry. 1500 meters is just a couple hundred feet short of a mile and anyone who has the time to make a mile long sandwich filled with exotic meats must have enough time to make weapons of mass destruction. Quite frankly I believe that ostrich meat itself could be considered a weapon of mass destruction. I am also starting to wildly speculate that the mile of sandwich was just part of a much larger Middle Eastern sandwich ring. A ring, that when completed, will form the worlds largest super sandwich collider. This sandwich collider may not be able to create black holes like the Hadron Large Collider will (when ever they get that working again), but instead it will have the potential to cover the earth with an explosion of rice and lentils…a possibility that causes me to loose sleep at night.

Speaking of loosing sleep here are a few WTF videos that will give you the heebee-jeebees.

I always knew that starlings were excellent mimics, but I never realized that when they mimic they sound like the voice of Satan. While watching this I couldn’t believe that this was what these birds actually sound like, I assumed they would have a clearer voice like a parrot but after digging around the internets for more samples I found this to be a common vocalization. Here is Damar the starling, he has a lot of freaky stuff to talk about, most of it in the language of demons(he also does some R2-D2 style screatching too).


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This is a music video for a song called Phantom Pt. II. I kinda dig the song, but it was the very bizarre video that brought it here to roost.


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Dogs, Leeks and Rosie O’Donnell Acting Natural

I feel justified that I have a website because every one else does. Isn’t that the way life works? Society says: “if everyone is doing it, you can too”. I bring this up because I just found out that there is a website called upsidedowndogs.com

It is nothing more than a collection of pictures of dogs lying on their backs taken upside down.

It is quite hilarious in its simplicity. I think that I may go their often to check for updates.


The Japanese have officially run out of fetishes and have now resorted to just plain silliness. Here is a girl with what appears to be a very large leek doing a little dance. This could possibly be considered NSFW due to a brief up-skirt shot.


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CHALLENGE!!!

Through the decades actors have been drawn to roles where the character they are playing has mental disabilities. I am sure that this could not possibly have something to do with great financial and critical success that they achieve when they pull these roles off successfully; they are certainly doing it for the art of their craft. Sean Penn, Tom Hanks, Billy Bob Thornton, and Dustin Hoffman all managed to gracefully and tactfully engage the audience with their portrayals… but then Rosie O’Donnell decided to give it a go and as a result there is this debacle. I made it all the way through and so can you!


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Day Late Dollar Short II (Scroll Down and Read Part I First)

As I was saying, you Bastards, you should also be grateful that I took time out of my busy Wednesday to search out a write a post for Wednesday. Seriously what do you people want…Blood from a Turnip?

Okay I have calmed down now, its not you fault that I am not used to doing work at work. I just have to completely learn how to arrange my time so that I can efficiently…wait a minute did I just use the phrase Blood from a Turnip?



Why yes, apparently I did. What does that even mean? Who are these people going around squeezing turnips in search for blood? Even more disturbing, who are these people going around with the sole purpose of looking for blood? Perhaps it is a secret society of pacifist vampires sworn to an oath of no neck biting, or maybe this is just another desperate attempt by the American Red Cross to top off their supplies. I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. Some truths are just too frightening.

And who are these people growing turnips still; it’s such a 20th century vegetable. Get with the times Farmer Brown.

Got Lots of goodies for you today (and by today I mean the post that actually belongs to today’s date. Not that I am implying that the videos that I posted today to make up for yesterday weren’t goodies in their own right, I am just saying that these videos are also goodies and should be looked upon in such light to enhance your enjoyment of them).

Here is Detective Mittens – The Crime Solving Cat. Enjoy!


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Perhaps you recall the rathergood.com characters, the Spongemonkies, from their Quiznos commercials, perhaps you know them from the site itself, perhaps you have even seen Can you Imagine a World with Hover Bacon?, perhaps you would like to see it again? Perhaps you can click the play button then?


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Speaking of having seen stuff before, the other day I put up a few videos from weebl, here is another. Don’t watch it if cartoon penises offend you easily.


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I am starting to feel as if I am rather unoriginal today because I can’t help but feel that I have posted this video before, but I love the song so much that I am posting it (possibly for a second time) anyway.


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CHALLENGE BEYOND CHALLENGE!!!

The following video is a 4 minutes and 41 second example of extreme social ineptitude. As I attempted to make it through I was assailed by a myriad of emotions; pity, fear, disgust, and confusion. I did not make it all the way to the end… I may try again some day.


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Day Late Dollar Short

This is Tuesday’s post. Yes I realize that it is Wednesday, but I was rather busy on Tuesday both at work and at home. You should just feel grateful that I took the time on Wednesday to do what I should have made the time on Tuesday to do. You Bastards.

Scott tipped me off to these guys some time last week and I think that they super-cool-awesome-neeto!

Here is the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Brittan doing the Theme Song from Shaft and then The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Deer Abby

Pennsylvania scares me a little. If you recall back in the end of August I wrote a post about a Pennsylvania man who used a garden gnome as a deadly weapon…I thought that was weird. However after reading an article about a man who was attacked by a dead deer while walking his dog, I don’t think that I will ever set foot into the Keystone State. Bear with me as I pull out a few key points from the above sentence just in case you missed them the first time through.

man…walking dog…attacked by deer…dead.

It happened that this Pennsylvanian was walking by the side of the road, the opposite of which was occupied by a truck, which happened to strike a deer killing it and flinging it across the road striking him and causing him suffer from a minor head wound.

That is God sending a message, and I certainly hope this gentleman heard it and was able to interpret it, because it certainly makes no sense to me.

To add to the silliness of it all the man’s last name is Hippo.

Now the WTF (at least in video form).

I am not sure if this is actually a local commercial, or a parody of a local commercial that is done so well that it accurately resembles a local commercial.


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In the spirit of equal time for political candidates, here is could be considered the answer to the John McCain and his Vegetable Friends song.


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Under a Deadline

I don’t have a whole lot of time today to make this a truly quality toddsift post, but I would not be happy with myself if I didn’t at least give you something to look at. Besides, I have to keep on the move, because I think and extremist Muslim group is out to kill me for not (in their opinion) equally representing their side in yesterday’s great chick pea debate.

Here is the WTF

Here is a couple from an animator who goes by the moniker weebl. First is an episode of his reoccurring series Cat Face.


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Here is one of his shorts called Hot Tamales.


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Now that I have a new baby in the house perhaps I should run right out and pick some of this up for her.


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(chick)Peas in the Middle East

Time and time again there seems to be this wacky notion that one day there will be a lasting peace between the nations of the Middle East, especially between Israel and Lebanon. John Lennon may have been a dreamer, and I am sure that he was not the only one; but as someone, whose pessimistic world view is deeply rooted in the evidence of the fallibility of the human condition, I would be willing to lay a large sum of money Israel and Lebanon will never be best buddies. If you were to completely ignore the fact that turmoil in the region has its most recent roots right after WWII when the nation of Israel became the proverbial “parting gift” for the plighted and misplaced European Jews, and ignore the fact that it was under English rule in the 1930s when Palestine was split and a large portion was taken from the Arab Muslim population, you will see that centuries of slow and multifaceted Zionism has lead to thousands of Sons and Daughters of Abraham to return to their promised Canaan against the will of their neighbors. As you look farther and farther back in time you can also see a reoccurring pattern of change in ownership of the region. It is like looking at the ebb and flow of the sea, but instead of water picture thousands of yarmulkes washing back and forth across most of the eastern hemisphere. The failure of the Third Crusade allowed the way for the Zionistic Pilgrims to return to a country that they had been dispersed from in the First Crusade. Heading back farther we find the formerly controlling Roman Empire loosing its grip on the region when it split into the Eastern and Byzantium Empires. Further back still The Maccabees (you know those guys that made Hanukkah all the rage) won independence from Alexander the Great’s Hellenized version of Israel. Hundreds of years before Alex the Great got his Greek paws on the Land of Milk and Honey, Israel was free. Its freedom came with the cost of an oath of support to the Nation of Persia. Why did they owe Persia such a favor? They owed them because Persia had previously defeated Babylon and freed the Jews from the clutches of Babylonian exile.

Don’t even get me started on the whole Egypt thing.

Needless to say this region of the world has been in trouble for a long long time and this is only one side of the story (there are at least 3 others that you can be sure of).

You could ignore the history and go straight to the religious route and see that both the Hebrew population and the Muslim population fervently believe that this tiny nation, no bigger than the state of Massachusetts, was given to them by God. Here is the real kicker, they both believe in the same God.

That is where I used to think most of the problems in the region stemmed from…a general disagreement over a Heavenly Manifest. That was until I read an article from the Haaretz (an English printed Israeli newspaper) that enlightened me to a cultural clash that may have even farther reaching consequences than a difference in religion. This is the headline.

Lebanese union to sue Israel for 'claiming ownership' of falafel

After reading the article I was stunned to find out that the problem is not just falafel but hummus and tabouleh as well…GASP!!!! It turns out that the Lebanese union feels that it is unfair that Israel would profit from the sales of these Mid East food staples, because they are (in their opinion) a clear invention of the Lebanese. I cannot wholly blame the people of Lebanon, if I had recipes that had such diverse ingredients like chick peas, garlic, parsley, garlic, chick peas, olive oil, garlic, lemon juice, garlic, and chick peas I would hold onto the claim that they were mine quite zealously. Of course on the other hand I can understand why the Israelites would want to share such delicacies with the world, delicacies that can be severed in such diverse ways like on pita bread, and in pita bread, and not to mention, with a side of pita bread.

There simply is just no way that I see these cultures with their shockingly different religious deity…oh wait same God…Ok I don’t think that there is any way that these two cultures with their culinary diversity…oh, wait again… chick peas, garlic and olive oil versus chick peas, garlic and olive oil?

Perhaps John Lennon was right; maybe someday I should join him so the world can live as one.


YEAH RIGHT!!! AS IF!!! He married Yoko and broke up The Beatles, like I would follow his advice.

Next Stop!!! WTF!!!

I am not one who likes to get political on my site (as least not in a serious real world way) but how could I pass up this video from the creators of Charley the Unicorn? Besides it really doesn’t lean clearly right or left wing because it is just so bizarre.


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Sickeningly cute? Check! Slightly Dark? Check! Mildly irritating? Check! Sounds like WTF to me.


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CHALLENGE!!!

I would normally find it against every moral fiber of my soul to classify anything that Mr. T does as a CHALLENGE!!! But this is just painful to watch.


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Dirty Birds

It is sexual deviance day here at toddsift. When I set out this morning I did not have an inkling of the salacious nature that today’s post would embody, but much like Mother Theresa, sometimes you just don’t see these things cumming… da-dum-dum! Seriously though, with the amount of smut penetrating the web these days I am certain that a great portion of it would fall into the category of WTF, however I suppose that most of the carnal videos that would inspire one’s jaw to drop are safely tucked away from the masses on private pay sites. If there is one thing I will not do it is pay for the content to put on my own site, I have far too many important expenses that I blow my wad on every month. Besides, I would like to believe that this site handles itself with a little class and doesn’t just bend over and take it to the lowest common denominator. Sure, some of my humor is crude and immature but I generally try to keep it more towards the subtle side as opposed to just hammering at it over and over again until there is nothing left but a sweaty sticky quivering mass of exhausted yet satisfied ideas. All that being said, seeing that today is hump day I figure that a little titillation won’t hurt anyone. I think that it is time to strip away our inhibitions, take a deep breath and slide right into the deep dark places that cause tingles down below. After all…penis vagina oral nipple orgasm sixty-nine missionary grinding doggy-style throbbing reverse cowgirl money shot…and you can take that to the bank.

Lego has been around for what seems like forever, and quite frankly I am sure they have wound up inappropriate places many times, but I think that this is the first time that I have seen them used specifically to construct a machine for an inappropriate purpose. Presenting for your shock (or enjoyment it that is your thing) the Lego Fuck-o-Matic.


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Given the nature of today’s post I shouldn’t have to warn you that the following video contains language and themes that might not be so appropriate for the work place, but I am going to anyway. This video is about what you should not do with your house pets and it contains language and themes that might not be so appropriate for the work place.


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?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Can’t…comprehend…starting to….black…out

As if that picture was not enough here is a video for you to watch, Exploding Banana Mask should sum it up for you.


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This seems reasonably tame in comparison, but it certainly is WTF none the less.


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Because why stop at Troll when you can make a crappy sequel?


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Haven’t Been There or Done That

For decades the U.S. has always taken a chiding on how far behind its education programs are in comparison to the rest of the world. Until today I have come to our defense with the argument that there is only a need for so many doctors and lawyers, but there will always be a need for the less formally trained creative entrepreneurs. There have been many a great American success stories that have started with a penniless high school drop out, and those stories have fueled the hopes of many across the globe. However after reading a somewhat disturbing article about an Austrian man and the length of his creativity I fear that we Yanks have become complacent. Being behind in math and science is one thing, but when we can’t even compete creatively with somewhere as humdrum as Austria we are headed for a major disaster. The economy is in shambles, the housing market is in the pooper, no one is buying our bus sized fossil fuel guzzling cars any more, and I am beginning to believe it is due in some part to a nation wide creative slump. All we mass produce anymore is remakes of all the crap we mass produced decades ago and, as consumers, we continue to accept it. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Cabbage Patch Dolls, Star Wars Episodes I, II and III are just a sampling of the rehashed fodder that the typical consumer is force feeding their children in hopes of reliving a bit of their own upbringing through them. Remember way back in 1999 when the Wachowski brothers introduced us to a new concept in the science fiction genre with a little film called The Matrix? People were blown away not only with the cutting edge special effects, but with a story line that truly felt original (yeah, yeah I know Plato thought of it first, but he didn’t make movies). What happened next was a truly sad story of consumer whoredom…the public demanded more. The Brothers W were more than compliant with the concept of producing sequels. Unfortunately “Joe Popcorn” settled into his seat expecting to see Neo kick some machine ass again in a bigger badder retelling of the first movie and was instead treated to a plot line that pulled the rug out from under his feet…”Joe” was despondent. By the end of the third movie a large portion of those who chose to stick the trilogy out just for the sake of closure couldn’t wrap their heads around the death of the hero (a theme quite common in eastern storytelling…the primary source of inspiration for The Matrix Trilogy). I myself remember feeling betrayed, but like most great stories (life included); I slowly realized the brilliance of a tale is not in its ending, but in the entire journey…the Wachowski Brothers knew this too. I proudly own all three movies, and still watch them to this day when I want to be reminded of that fact (or when I want to see shit blow up in super slow motion). I guess I don’t expect the stereotypical American to change their mindset about accepting what is handed them, but instead I hope that there are more than a few non-stereotypical American minds out there willing to take a new stab at what ever they pursue in life. Then maybe we won’t fall so far behind the Austrians of this world.

Oh yeah, I realize that I never told you what this Austrian fellow did that was so darn creative. I turns out he made his very own flame-thrower for the simple purpose of killing his in-laws…Now that is what I call original.

You would think that after a week off I would have found a plethora of videos, but I think that the WTF gnomes come and clear up the mess as soon as possible, so here are just a few treats for you.

This one is a bit long and boy howdy is it messed up, but it has a disarmingly simple title: Rabbit



This one is a bit short and boy howdy is it messed up, but you have to admire the extremely smooth stop frame animation.


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Finally here is a picture that our beloved and well missed Andy sent out last week. If you were not cool enough to make the email list here it is for your enjoyment.