It’s Getting Preachy in Here

The other day Theron informed me that there happened to be a screaming squirrel perched atop his neighbor’s roof. I inquired if he meant a chattering squirrel and he told me the squirrel was definitely screaming. This of course meant that I would have to verify this phenomenon via the highly accurate youtube. Sure enough there were several videos of squirrels screaming. Just what are these majestic woodland creatures so worked up about? Are they concerned with the decline of quality oak trees, due to mankind’s sprawling urbanization? Are they distraught over negative impact of the industrial revolution on the environment? Are they yelling a warning about the inevitable collapse of the modern world due to globalization and an ever thinning economy? No, of course not, they are just squirrels after all and they focus on the simple things in life. Most likely they are just pissed off at the neighborhood dog, or are yelling in frustration because another squirrel snatched a hidden cache of their prized acorns. I am by no means suggesting we turn a blind eye to the larger problems that face our world today, but I am sure that there is someone out there looking down at us and laughing at how menial our problems seem in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps the solution to all of our worldly issues is to follow the advice of a lesser known White Stripes song.

“Be like the squirrel, girl, be like the squirrel”
- Little Acorns

After all if we had spent our time focusing on the simple things in life, we may have never gotten to the point we are trying to get away from today.

Okay let us move from squirrels to horses. I like how the owner of the horse (the one that wins this race) decided to affront the long held tradition of naming your race horse long complicated names.


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Here we go from horses to dogs. I never knew that chronic masturbation could lead to the demise of my household pet…I better cut down.


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Finally let’s move on from dogs to cougars. I would “Boogie-Voogie” all day and night with these classy ladies. I don’t know what I find more entertaining about this song; the fact that they are so polite that they repeatedly use the formal moniker of SIR, or that the lyrics of the second verse basically tell you that you should have listened to the chorus, and that they are going to sing that chorus again.


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Slippery when Slippery

Ah, the Japanese.

How do they cope with the hot summer weather? They cope by drinking eel drink of course. Unagi Nobori (Surging Eel) has found its way into the marketplaces of Japan, complimenting the upcoming eel season. The energy drink is made with your typical energy drink mish mash of water, vitamins, carbonation, and of course extracts from the skull and bones of an eel. You really cannot be too shocked; everyone knows that Red Bull must contain at least 15% Bull, and that Rock Star Energy Drink certainly is distilled from the sweat of real rock stars. I myself will never purchase Monster Energy Drink simply because I know that their claims are false…there is no such thing as monsters, therefore there cannot be any traceable amounts of monster in it. Unagi Nobori does give me an excellent idea though. You see, all these years I have just given my dog the water that I drained from the tuna can, but those days are over.

Introducing:


Don’t worry, when I become a millionaire from selling this product, I won’t forget all the little people who have been there for me all these years.

Only one video Todd?!?!?

Yes, there need be only one.

Must be Some Kind of Warts

My day got off to a WTF start today. On my way to work I happened to be tailgated for some time by a rather rude driver (one of those “Silver Fox” executive types). Normally for my own sanity I would just move over and allow the prick to pass on by. Today I was feeling slightly more malicious than I usually do and as a result decided not to budge. I could almost hear the frustration emanating from his pours as he was forced to follow my diminutive dirt covered Pontiac Vibe, with his obviously superior gleaming red Cadillac CTS LP (LP being a package demarcation that I have created. It stands for Lack of Penis). Eventually Mr. “I get off on verbally assaulting my administrative assistant” Corporate Dill Hole found a gap allowing him to pass me (on the right of course). As he passed, sneering at me for only going 15 mph above the speed limit, I saw the universe come into focus. I was given a glimpse into the master plan. Some people call it Karma, I call it hilarious. As quickly as I could, I grabbed my cell phone and snapped a picture of his car, attempting to get a clear shot of his license plate. Unfortunately, as I was not willing to tailgate him, I was not able to get a clear picture of what I saw. Here is the picture I did get.


Now using my top secret government computer I shall attempt to make it clearer.

Zoom and Enhance.

And there you have it. This man is traveling around with a license plate that proudly proclaims that he has Ass V.D. (or if you wish to use the University of Michigan M… Mass V.D. is equally laughable).

Here is the point where being a Michigan State University graduate I could add insult to injury by making a claim such as “as a MSU alumnus this is the exact sort of behavior I would have expected from a U of M alumnus”, but like I said, I was given a glimpse into the master plan, and that sort of attitude can come back on you.

Besides as a MSU alumnus, I was taught better.

Here is the WTF

This one is a bit on the esoteric side, but every now and then I think we all need to be a little pretentious when it comes to humor. I am just kidding… it’s a video about missing socks.


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This video is titled D.A.R.E. Cat, and it is WTF.


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You Might Never Be the Same

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The Hair is in the Pudding

Theron sent me this picture.

Yes that is a hair extension that some how became road kill. Theron knows me well enough to know that I cannot leave well enough alone unless I know that enough is enough, in which case I usually just throw my hands up in the air and say in a loud voice I GIVE UP!(you thought that I was going to say ENOUGH didn’t you?) Theron knows that I would have to investigate further.

I took it upon myself to travel to the area where this weave road kill was found to look for clues to what might have happened.

I looked up.

I looked to my left.

I looked to my right.

Finally I looked behind me.

It was clear to me that there was a tragic traffic accident here. Obviously a motor vehicle had struck a pedestrian with such force that the victim’s apparel was violently rent from his or her body. I surmise the driver drove away in fear, leaving the pedestrian victim to wonder off dazed (and mostly naked). I couldn’t find any more clues so I decided to make a composite image of what the victim was wearing the day of this tragic accident.

If you have any knowledge of whom this person is contact me and I will pass the information along to the appropriate authorities.


The WTF was not that WTF today, but I thought this was humorous. It has a bit of the NSFW language.




I want to make commercials like this one.

Let the Polish Jokes Begin

The Polish are a proud people with a rich history of jokes at their expense. I am not certain when this phenomenon began, some say Nazi Germany, others claim it to be an American invention, and yet still some claim that this form of humor is as old as the country itself. At any rate, I have often tread lightly when it comes to the ski-humor, mostly because the Americanized version of my last name ends with ske and is pronounced incorrectly as ski. Often many assume that I am Polish as a result. The truth be told, I am Germanic in decent, and to put a finer point on it my last name is actually Prussian in origin (originally ending with a schke) where the e is pronounced as a short e. However when it really comes down to it Prussians are just Germans who are too embarrassed to call themselves Polish, so go ahead make all the Polish jokes you would like at my expense. At least I am smart enough not to pee on an electric train’s third rail unlike the 41 year old Polish tourist while visiting Great Brittan’s Vauxhall, South London train station did recently. Needless to say he did not survive the 750 volt charge. Which brings us to the question, how many Polaks does it take to stop a train?

There seems to be a large amount of Grindcore horror movie clips creeping around the internets these days, and they usually make for some decent WTF, but this one has to take the cake. Watch it all the way through for the full mind blowing experience.


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All that I have to say about this video is Japanese Masturbating Machine.


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I Run for No Man

A 32 year old man died while attempting the New York City Triathlon, I am going to guess it was because he was attempting a triathlon. I don’t care how healthy and in shape you are nor how much time you have spent training, I just don’t believe that it is wise to race in three of the most grueling physical activities all in one sitting. If you have to participate in triple activities, I suggest combinations such as; beer, pizza and videogames, movie, popcorn, and freezy-drink of your choice, or the ultimate, Barry White, sex, and whipped cream (by Barry White I mean his music, but it’s your choice). My combinations are not likely to get you killed…that is unless you do actually choose to dig up Barry White for a little necrophilia, who knows what sort of diseases you could catch then.

Here is the WTF.

I am not sure what to make of this Semi-Clockwork-Orange-Mildly-Racist Ad for Schlitz Malt Liqour, but then again if I did know what to make of it, I probably wouldn’t post it.


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