Too Good to Pass Up

Again here is the most awesome gift that I can give those who might randomly stumble upon this blog as a gift for their dedication, or luck.

enjoy


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Quicky

Okay I realize that no one on the planet is likely to see this unless I started doing some major promoting of this site again, and quite frankly I just don't have the gumption to do that at this time. So this video is for you die hard toddsift checkers. Those of you who come here every now and then to see if I have broken my long silence to return to this blog that I love so well.

Again I don't make any promises as far as post consistency, but I assure you I don't intend on giving the ghost up just yet, even if it is just therapeutic for me.

Enjoy the worst music video ever



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Potential Evil Nonsense Irritates Schools

yeah that's right, read it beehotches!

THIS BLOG IS NOT DEAD!!!!!

Seriously it's not. It is just on hiatus....an exceptionally, unpredictably, long hiatus. I apologize for this.

T’is the Season

Where have I been? I have been on what the Europeans call “Holiday”. Of course here in America we call it “vacation”. Ironically enough I have been on vacation as well as Holiday (that is defined as “a day of Holy Reverence”), because I believe in Jesus. Therefore I get the time off as well as get the opportunity to refresh my soul and worldly spirit… bonus for me! So as I enter this new calendar year (don’t bother to engage me on my beliefs about the space time continuum) enjoy these truly WTF videos that I have found. (Videos that I probably would have found more of if I weren’t on vacation… I mean holiday…I mean Holidays… I mean vacation).

British Television is brilliant. Who else would have thought to report on the underground craze of “Roboting” way back in the 1980’s?


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Ho Lee Krap!!! Forget everything that I have ever said about British television being brilliant (or tele as those Nancy boy namby-panmbies like to call it). Australian television is certainly the wave of the future. I guess that makes sense seeing that they start their day way before us lazy yanks get around to it.


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Most American’s do not understand the great subtlety involved in the cinematic genius of the first “Robocop” movie. While it portrayed itself as the typical run and gun, explosion saturated, one-liner kind of theatrical schlock, there was an almost subliminal lesson of American overindulgence and greed that can only be portrayed in this commercial for “American Fried Chicken” commercial from the Orient.


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Six Foot Four and Made of Muscles

This might be the best article ever written.




I think that I have posted something by this guy before. I want to say that it was a video with a song about the fact that the video was only 30 seconds long… or something to that fact. Anyway, once again this fine gent is gracing toddsift with yet another annoying ditty that can be summed up with the onomatopoeia…Boioioioioioioioioioi!


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I seldom feel sorry for people, for the most part they seem to deserve the shit that happens to them. Until recently I might have said the same about goats, but the tribulations of Ed and Bob here nearly broke my heart (no animals were harmed in the making of this video).


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And finally here is 15 seconds of your life that will never make sense again.


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Cheese

The Following is a Special Presentation of a previously never before released toddsift post. The reason why this post never made it to toddsift is complicated, but basically it comes down to problems with HTML code. If you are unaware of what HTML code is do not fret, because ironically the main topic of the post is about HTML code and issues that can arrise from its use.

-todd

The name of this post is Cheese. That much I assume you could glean from the large font title up there. The real philosophical enigma is why did I title this post Cheese? The short answer is I didn’t. I needed to save this file because I knew I was never going to finish it yesterday. As most of you have probably experienced, Microsoft Word has a nifty little feature where as it will automatically name your file the first word or phrase in the body of your work. At the time of said save, the first object in the body of this work was the HTML embed code for the video you will find immediately below. If you don’t know anything about HTML embed codes (and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t because after doing this blog thing for almost a year, I still don’t know much of anything about HTML embed codes), they start with

a line that says… ... this is followed by all sorts of good old computer type stuff that tells your computer how to present the hand selected grade A premium WTF that I have chosen for you that day. So anyway, here I was making the save that I knew that I needed to make because I knew that I would never get around to finishing this post, and Microsoft Word decided for the reasons that I just explained to give me the option to name my file…

I didn’t feel comfortable withbeing the save name of this post for many reasons, some of which I will list here.

1. Aesthetically, I found it displeasing. looks as if I was attempting to make some sort of cobbled together graphical representation of a spear (Zulu Assegai style possibly).

2. begs the question, “What does less than object width actually equal?” Looking at the code one can see the answer is “540”, but I cannot assume that any one would ever look at the code to find out what the answer is. Not to mention that the less than symbol at the beginning of the code does not actually stand for less than as much as it is a virtual place holder for the HTML code itself.

3. ….Wha…Uh…Sorry I nodded of in the middle of point number 2. I was all, just like, “Blah blah blah…HTML code. Blah blah blah…place holder. Blah blah blah…less than equals”

4. The rising price of linseed oil concerns me.

So for those reasons (among others that I won’t get into due to personal and religious reasons) I decided that I needed to use a different file save name. Cheese was the first word that popped into my head, so Cheese it became.

“But why then did you title this blog post Cheese?” you might find yourself asking right now. As I told you earlier the short answer was that I didn’t and I feel that I have taken up far too much of your time with the short answer already, so I will not get into the long answer today. I am sure you understand, and are quite possibly relieved as well.



Video Time!!!


This is nothing but good old fashioned silliness. Sometimes good old fashioned silliness is just what this world needs.



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How many takes did they need for this line to be delivered straight-faced?



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CHALLENGE!!!

Personally I enjoyed every last minute of this video, but then again I am not normal.




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Lasers Say Pew Pew Pew!

Great, just great! Now that I can’t smoke laser printers anymore, what ever will I do to settle my stomach after eating a large meal of compact disc players?

Here is today’s WTF

I don’t speak Spanish; this song, titled “Hijo de Puta”, could be completely offensive for those of you who do speak Spanish. I really don’t care; I just thought that I would warn you. For those of you who speak non-Spanish the title of the song is roughly translated as “Son of a Whore”, although I have heard far more crass definitions for the word Puta.



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It seems to me that I am finding more and more music videos these days that defy explanation. This is one of those videos. Stick around to the end the crescendo is simply delicious.



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I hate people who use food descriptors to describe non-food items…

…but not nearly as much as I would hate Yompi. Watch and I think that you would agree.



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Future-Slut

If you spend enough time on the internet you will come across the phenomenon of hilariously misplaced web ads. I was searching for a starting point story for my blog and I came across a quaint little article about the Girl Guides. For you non-parents of Girl Scouts (as well as all you non-pedophiles), Girl Guides are the original UK inspiration for those cookie hawking vested wee ladies that clog your local grocery store entrance every year. Here you see, is the title of the article.




As you can see from the opening paragraph, the Girl Guides are concerned about the damage to girls’ self-image as a result of constant exposure to airbrushed beauties (not to mention knife crime, but that will not come into play today). This is a noble quest (although most likely fruitless as we humans naturally will always crave a pinnacle of perfection). The real treat comes in the form of the ads placed around this article, ads such as this banner.



As if that ad weren’t counterproductive enough there is always the slew of sidebar links that you can follow to see more salacious content.



This is just another example of why the unregulated, unedited, inattentive internet will always be a source of good old WTF

Speaking of WTF here is some goodies for you kiddies.

First up is a music video that I found yesterday, but didn’t get around to posting until today.


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A translation may make this more comprehendible, but I doubt it would be any less strange.


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What do children singing, eggs, and Queen’s We Will Rock You have in common? Absolutely nothing…this is why you will find them all here on toddsift.


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A Special Treat for Y'All...Andy and I Posted on the Same Day!!!

Wow, The Stepfather of Awesome graced this humble blog once again. I feel honored that he is able to take time from his real career to grace the pages of toddsift again. We miss you A.T.

toddsift takes time to wipe a tear of sentimental from his eye.

On to today’s WTF.

Never in the past have I stopped my search for WTF as soon as I found the first video. Sure, there have been several times that all I have found is one video that seemed to sum it all up, but I always searched for more gems that might compliment it. Today is different. I stopped searching as soon as I had sat through all 11 minutes of this masterpiece. I simply thought of squirreling this video away just in case there is a final demise of toddsift, I figured it would be one hell of a send off. Alas, I know that WTF is not meant to be squirreled, nor is it meant to be gophered or even marmoseted. Not to mention saving a video to be the end all be all is silly considering there will certainly be more videos out there that strike to the very heart of WTF more accurately and precisely than this one. So I apologize for the excruciatingly long intro, but I would not have rambled as much for a lesser video.

Enjoy This is my Milwaukee


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Is this hacksored?

Ok so its been a while since I dipped my immortal danglies into toddsift. It looks as though Todd has to actually do work. I am sure this is just causing him great agony and despair to not bring you the loyal viewer good wtf. So it is with that sentiment that I (the stepfather of awesome) bring you
BLACK DYNAMITE. Just when you thought the blaxploitation movie genre was dead, BAM! For your wtf viewing pleasure. This is mildly nsfw so watch it. I miss you bitches, keep in touch

SFOA

Con Grasa Reducida

If you miss the robust toddsift posts, just think of this one as toddsift lite, now with 10% less fat. Then not only will you still get some WTF, but you can feel good about your waistline as well.

I have always wondered if there was a way that I could stay warm during the winter months and look like a druid at the same time?


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I Haven't Quit Yet!!!

In an effort to assure that I at least post something once a week, I have hired a personal motivator. Here is Crack Squirrel. He is my inspiration. If he can make it, so can I.





I have a tendency to vary my definition of WTF to suit the videos that I find; in the case of this video I simply cannot define it at all.


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Of course it is from the Japanese, of course it is WTF, of course it has found a nice comfy home on toddsift.


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The sifter who posted this video on the site that I stole it from gave it the title I Have No Idea How to Title This, and quite frankly neither do I. I can tell you I nearly cried with laughter while I watched it…I don’t know why, but I did.


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I assure you your day won’t be complete until you have had your dose of 21 seconds of a monkey washing a cat


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1/3 of all Towns in England end in “Bury”

I found an article today; here is the headline and enough of the body to get to my point.

'Try something new today...' blundering Sainsbury's gives booklet on sex positions to eight-year-olds

By Andrew LevyLast updated at 2:02 AM on 13th November 2008
Comments (108)
Add to My Stories

They probably expected a goody bag of some sorts as a going home gift after the primary school trip to Sainsbury's.
But what the 42 children - not to mention their parents and teachers - did not expect was to be given a book with explicit illustrations of sexual positions.


Okay, I understand that mistakes happen, but this has me thoroughly outraged. I cannot even begin to encapsulate my anger into words refined enough to be comprehensible. To think that this kind of carelessness could go unchecked makes my blood boil and quite frankly I feel ill to my stomach. The helpless victims of this atrocity were nothing but innocent second graders who should have been treated to an afternoon of frivolity and excitement, but no, instead they were forced to take their field trip to the local grocery chain. Yes, that is right, you heard me Sainsbury is a grocery store. What kind of field trip is that? At least when I was a child we were able to go to the roller rink, or to the zoo. Apparently teachers in England think that the class room is not dull enough. They have to make their outings to local businesses that children are inherently irritated by. I imagine this trip must have gone over about as well as last year’s trip to the homework factory, or even the year before when the then new kindergarteners were trekked to the steamed broccoli convention. Sickening outrage I tell you!!!


Oh yeah… there was something about porn in that article too, but I couldn’t get past the whole “grocery store” thing enough to read the article to find out about that part.


The more times change, the more they stay the same. Adults will always attempt to teach their kids by using the latest slang…and using it completely wrong.


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CHALLENGE!!!

Ummm I am not really sure? It is one of those videos that seem to make sense while not making sense at all. I did manage to make it all the way through though. There are some suggestively animated sequences included, so consider your self warned.


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Some how I Feel as if I Have Written This Before

It has been a long time since I have written a satisfying rant. I don’t have the free time that I used to have at work (imagine that…I have to work for a living), and I certainly do not have the time that I need to appease my self interests at home (oh…wow…I have a new baby and I wish to invest more time into my family life, and not so much into my personal desires). But honestly…you dear reader…observer…visitor; must certainly be sick of the endless bitching that seems to be the common post that comes from toddsift. I don’t blame you. Who would want to invest their time into a whiney self deprecating blog like toddsift? NO ONE!!!! So here I am, now naked to the world (seriously, I am naked…my ass is sticking to this faux leather chair of mine). I plan on splashing MANDOM on every pore and accepting that I am a MAN. As such I will write posts that do not concern themselves with the trivial irritations that come with the lifestyle of a father and a career maker. Rather I will write pots that only speak to tough and rumble things like steaks…Bond fires…and of course loving ones family like one who loves the autumn due upon a freshly painted leaf of a delicately falling maple tree.


At first I felt very bad for these animals. Then I realized that like most things on the internets, this video was faked for the purposes of who the hell knows what. At that point I just sat back and enjoyed the artistry designed to make me uncomfortable.


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Have you ever, while in a snow ball fight, squeezed your snowball so hard that it became an ice ball? This is what happens when some one squeezes WTF so hard that it becomes a concentrated-skull-shattering ball of WTF.


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Okay… I think that it is only appropriate that we wrap up today in “fetish land”. I don’t know whose fetish is complete only when nimble young women with fancifully painted toes steps upon their heads, and quite frankly I don’t want to know…Neither do you, but you will watch any way,


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Monday?

whew, made it just in time, now I can post twice one Tuesday and feel okay about myself for making it on Monday...Shit mere seconds too late.

Oh, wow!!!
blogspot's time is all screwed up. This post went up on Monday on a technicality!!

Woo Hoo!!

Before I Go

I am off work again for the next couple of days. I know...Must be nice. Well yes it is nice. So in honor of all you working stiffs that don't have the next few days off here is a little geek-tastic tribute to John Williams and Star Wars.


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I Like Bob Ross

I’ve decided that I am in the wrong line of business. I need to become an artist. After all if Belgian artist Jan Fabre can make a living hanging rotting vegetables in condoms from the ceiling, than certainly I can make it big time with my cans of spam magnetized to school buses filled with pygmy goats.

All I have left to do is buy the spam.


I wasn’t terribly impressed with the WTF out there today, but I guess everyday can’t be a MANDOM-Salami Fighters Association- Old Greg-Japanese Guy Wears a Horse Head to Cook Mushrooms kind of day. Instead you can be treated to some NSFW smutty British humor.


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I was not going to post this video mostly because I was thoroughly disappointed with the poor quality of the finished “toast landscape” being created. However the song alone is enough to make you question reality, so here it is anyway.


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Where is My Primetime?

Today is the day for 24 hours of news coverage where absolutely nothing of use will be said. I think I will wait until tomorrow morning to turn on the TV and find out who is president.

Or better yet, I will watch Electric Hamster Racing until tomorrow morning, and by then I won’t care who is president.


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Here is a little more from the always brilliant Flight of the Conchords. It is called Bret’s Angry Dance.


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Monday is Sexy-time(warning no sexiness included in today’s post)

It is down to the final hours before the masses get to elect a president. This is the time when most people would try to cram down your throat the importance of voting. I am here to tell you quite the opposite. Don’t get out there and vote. Why would I say something so irresponsible you may ask? Simple, if you were not about to go out on your own and vote, then chances are you are by no means prepared to make an educated vote. The last thing that this country needs is a bunch of uninformed voters out there randomly casting a ballot because someone who has a blog, or a website, or a radio show or a television show, or has handed out a flyer, or even made one of the 673 irritating political phone calls I have received in the last month told them so. So here is my patriotic duty for the day.

If you were not thinking of voting until some one told you to vote, then please don’t vote tomorrow. If you really want to vote, then do your research, weigh all the issues, ignore the traditional media, don’t listen to just your friends. Then come next election you might be ready.

Now on to something way better than Obama and McCain…WTF!

Never scare old people. At the very least you might get some urine on your shoes, the worst you might get is this.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

This one is called An Interview with Dali.


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Disturbingly cute, and mildly bizarre…here is a gift from the Chinese called Bobo & Toto episode 6 – Chocolate.


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This one plays out like one of those jokes you read in a copy of Readers Digest. Except is has the cursin’ in it.


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