The High Adventures of Reynold the Sleep Stealing Gnome

I just can’t shake the sleepies today. I have yawned at least 20 times in the last 15 minutes. The odd part is that I went to bed at a reasonable time last night. This leads me to believe that Reynold is up to his usual tricks again. The last time he blew into town his excuse was that he needed the sleep essence to save his family farm, but my guess was that he needed it to pay off his bookies. I keep telling him he is going to go one of two ways; the mafia or the sauce. In the mid 90s it got so bad that we actually had an intervention for him, he feigned interest and checked into rehab. Of course less than two weeks later he was out on the streets again, shooting dice and drinking Mad Dog from a paper cup. In the end I guess he will just have to hit rock bottom on his own. I just hope he doesn’t end up like Lenny the Snore Catching Gnome. Lenny ran into some bad shit with the Columbians. I don’t think that I have ever seen so much blood as I did the day we found Lenny in that down town apartment. The only reason I was there in the first place was Reynold had lost his driver’s license. He claimed he needed a ride to an A.A. meeting, but when we got to the apartment it was pretty obvious he was going there to borrow money from Lenny. It was also pretty obvious that Reynold wasn’t going to get any money that day. For that to have happened Lenny would have had to have money…or a head. No one ever found either.

I cannot claim that my childhood cartoons were wholesome, but a cartoon coyote falling off of a cliff is fluff in comparison to this scene from the very popular Anime series One Piece.


via videosift.com

Perhaps being tired has made me a little more juvenile today, but if you can make it past the lowbrow fart humor this actually has quite the coherent plot. Then again you might be all about the lowbrow fart humor, either way enjoy.


via videosift.com

UPDATE!!!

Andy was moved by this post, here is an email he sent to me as a result.

So I was surfing around and got to the part of my day where I go to toddsift. I read your post about the Gnomes and thier troubles, and it touched me in a way that stirred my soul. I felt the need to reach out and show the world the truly dark side of Gnomes. The side of Gnomes that you so poetically spoke of, the types of gnomes that hide in the shadows. So I travelled at great risk to the mighty temple of the world's knowledge and presumtions... google. I looked through the dark recesses of google to find the sad story I was looking for. Gnomes that had gone bad and no longer proudly guard the lawns and gardens of old people and shire-philes the world around. These Gnomes, these once proud protectors of tulips and daisies have seen rock bottom, lost in a foggy world of derelect and inner pain.

I have documented them, please help the Gnomes. For only pennies a day. They are relying on you to help elevate them back to the gardens and pottery stores they belong in.



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Andy