Psst....over here....its me todd. Yeah I kinda have to whisper right now, you see I have a brand new baby in the house and If I wake her up I'll probably have to pay for it with 72 hours of fussing and crying. I make no promises about updating this week, but I will try to keep an eye out for fresh WTF and If I find that I have nothing better to do during the 3am feedings, I just might post it.
See you soon,
A 4 day old's bitch
todd
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Anti-Semitic Whole Grains
There is a conspiracy afoot. Look at this headline and note its dateline.
Hyman Golden, Snapple co-founder, dead at 85
Speaking of race wars, check out this VW commercial from abroad.
via videosift.com
I’m sure this fellow is just high on life, and nothing else.
via videosift.com
Hyman Golden, Snapple co-founder, dead at 85
BY GARY DYMSKI mailto:gary.dymski@newsday.com
8:53 PM EDT, September 23, 2008
Now notice this line from the body of the article.
“Golden, 85, of Hewlett Harbor, died on Sept. 14, reportedly of complications from a stroke.”
Question: Why the 9 day delay?
Answer: The Quaker Oats Man is a White Supremacist.
In 1994 the Quaker Oats Co. purchased Snapple Beverage Corp. away from its Jewish ownership in what could be looked at as just one more step in the master plan that “whitey” has created with the goal of eliminating the “multi-ethnic multi-faith plague” that is gripping the American economy. The simple fact that the Quaker Oats Man (who we all know is the actual mastermind behind the Quaker Oats Co.), “owns” the Aunt Jemima brand shows the audacity and disregard for basic human rights. Furthermore the Neo-Nazi overlord that is the Quaker Oats Man, in an attempt to disparage the already oppressed Ms. Jemima, recalled her delicious pancake and waffle mix under the guise that tainted with salmonella earlier this year.
The pattern of ethnic attacks is obvious, but what does it have to do with the delay in reporting Hyman Golden’s death? According to a completely imaginary source, who’s name shall be withheld (it rhymes with “The Lapple Snady”), no one knew that Golden was dead because his body went missing. This source also reported that mysterious sounds could be heard from deep within the Quaker Oats factory. Durring the conversation with our source terms such as “bio-engineering”, “cloning”, and “attempted de-Hebrew-ifacation” were frequently tossed around.
Was the Quaker Oats Man, knowing that the popularity of Snapple has waned since Golden’s departure from the company, attempting to make non-Jewish Clones of Hyman Golden? That sort of speculation should not be entertained here on such a prestigious web site, but it is food for thought.
Now notice this line from the body of the article.
“Golden, 85, of Hewlett Harbor, died on Sept. 14, reportedly of complications from a stroke.”
Question: Why the 9 day delay?
Answer: The Quaker Oats Man is a White Supremacist.
In 1994 the Quaker Oats Co. purchased Snapple Beverage Corp. away from its Jewish ownership in what could be looked at as just one more step in the master plan that “whitey” has created with the goal of eliminating the “multi-ethnic multi-faith plague” that is gripping the American economy. The simple fact that the Quaker Oats Man (who we all know is the actual mastermind behind the Quaker Oats Co.), “owns” the Aunt Jemima brand shows the audacity and disregard for basic human rights. Furthermore the Neo-Nazi overlord that is the Quaker Oats Man, in an attempt to disparage the already oppressed Ms. Jemima, recalled her delicious pancake and waffle mix under the guise that tainted with salmonella earlier this year.
The pattern of ethnic attacks is obvious, but what does it have to do with the delay in reporting Hyman Golden’s death? According to a completely imaginary source, who’s name shall be withheld (it rhymes with “The Lapple Snady”), no one knew that Golden was dead because his body went missing. This source also reported that mysterious sounds could be heard from deep within the Quaker Oats factory. Durring the conversation with our source terms such as “bio-engineering”, “cloning”, and “attempted de-Hebrew-ifacation” were frequently tossed around.
Was the Quaker Oats Man, knowing that the popularity of Snapple has waned since Golden’s departure from the company, attempting to make non-Jewish Clones of Hyman Golden? That sort of speculation should not be entertained here on such a prestigious web site, but it is food for thought.
The white devil?
Speaking of race wars, check out this VW commercial from abroad.
via videosift.com
I’m sure this fellow is just high on life, and nothing else.
via videosift.com
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
He Sobs Quietly to Himself in the Corner
Do the clowns of the world really need to give us another reason to hate them? Apparently the Clowns from the San Francisco Clown Conservatory’s 2008 Graduating Class think they do. You see these clowns have a mentor, a mentor who is suffering the crippling effects of multiple sclerosis, a mentor who will undoubtedly need financial assistance as the disease progresses, a mentor who wishes to help prevent others from suffering her fate. The 2008 graduating class has decided to start a non-profit fund up in the name of their mentor, a noble gesture indeed. However non-profit funds don’t simply come with a limitless bank account, the clowns had to brainstorm a fundraiser to get the ball rolling. How could they use their skills of merriment to help finance the fund? Volunteer their income from 1000 kids’ birthday parties? Do live circus shows and pass a hat to the audience? Sell balloon animals on the weekends? All of these ideas simply pale in comparison to the fundraiser they chose…a 2009 Naked Clown Calendar. Here is just a sample of the goodness.
I assume that you are finished scrubbing your eyes out with steel wool by now.
Here are a couple of clips that prove every now and then the pressure of a deadline can not only make TV writers write wacky things but cause producers give them the green light.
via videosift.com
via videosift.com
It is just best if you try to forget this video as soon as possible, because trying to figure it out would cause your head to explode ala Scanners style.
via videosift.com
Here are a couple of clips that prove every now and then the pressure of a deadline can not only make TV writers write wacky things but cause producers give them the green light.
via videosift.com
via videosift.com
It is just best if you try to forget this video as soon as possible, because trying to figure it out would cause your head to explode ala Scanners style.
via videosift.com
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Rodney Dangerfield of Bears
Pandas must be furious because they don’t get the respect that other bears do. The mighty Grizzly Bear with its massive paws and dagger-like teeth is feared as a ferocious man eater. The Polar Bear is not only impressive in its skill of eviscerating seals, but it dares to live in some of the most extreme conditions on the planet. Even the Sloth Bear, the silliest named bear on the planet, is graced with large sickle like claws that allow it to tear through almost anything. To add insult to injury, the Panda didn’t earn the distinct title of bear until 1995. Until then scientists thought that it was actually a very large raccoon species. Raccoon?!?!? Did any of these so-called “scientists” bother to ask the great panda its opinion on the matter? No, instead they just continued to feed them copious amounts of bamboo and call their babies silly alliterative names like Yang Yang and Zhen Zhen. However, man cannot be held entirely responsible for the repressive status the panda must endure; nature has its own roll to play in bating us on. The great panda suffers from an incurable case of extreme cuteness. I don’t know a person alive, that if given the chance, who wouldn’t want to hug one of these massive achromatic balls of fluff.
Do not be so forlorn. Once my future-self has completed his time machine and journeys back in time to show me how awesome it is I will simply have him go back and convince Hannibal to make that cross-alpine journey on the backs of pandas instead of elephants. That should give the pandas the social boost they need.
With a time machine I will also be able to go back and put a stop to this madness as well.
via videosift.com
This is a scene from a movie called Bruce Lee the Invincible, in which Bruce (incidentally not played by Bruce Lee) fights a gorilla (incidentally not played by a gorilla).
via videosift.com
This is why you never attempt to buy a computer advertised on a piece of junk mail.
via videosift.com
Monday, September 22, 2008
Smiting Time!
In case you haven’t heard the Large Hadron Collider (you know, that atom smasher that was going to destroy the world by creating a black hole a mile under the ground some where in Switzerland) has broken before they even got to actually collide anything. While the scientists behind the LHC claim that the most likely cause of failure was faulty wiring, we all know better. It is obvious that the breakdown was caused by sabotage. A carefully hand selected crack team of unicorn were subcontracted by an off shoot group of the Irish Republican Army. This faction of I.R.A. freedom fighters, a group composed mostly of leprechauns, answers to a shadow organization from the Pacific Northwest. This shadow organization, known to its well groomed members as The Greater Western Seaboard Sasquatch Alliance, is the financial arm of a much larger underground organization. When I say underground I mean it, being that its entire member body is comprised of sun fearing goblins. The European Goblin Sect, concerned that the LHC operations would cause problems with their expansive European Goblin Cave system, contacted the monster of Loch Ness (who’s name is Angus McGillis) to formulate a plan. Mr. McGillis was the one who originally suggested unicorn, due to their low believability status, and the rest is history.
You thought I was going to say this was the work of God, didn’t you? Nope, God, being the omniscient fellow that he is knew that the goblins would take care of it.
Speaking of God, they say he works in mysterious ways. Sometimes I think that people just use that sentiment as an excuse to do their own works in WTF ways. Ways such as the following video called Super Book. Why Super Book? Because a normal Bible would never time-transport you, your sibling, as well as your bumbling helper robot into some of the Old Testament’s most tumultuous events. Super Book would. Not to mention the fact that it is all done to a theme song that sounds like it was preformed by the 70’s prog-rock group Kansas.
via videosift.com
Maybe I am a little old fashioned when it comes to my churchin’ because I would not have thought that you would find The Theme Song from Superman in most hymnals.
via videosift.com
Let us slip over to the sinful side of man with those nutty Belgians and their internet search engine ads.
via videosift.com
Seeing that we are on the subject of all things holy and unholy why not mention Satan himself, or as you might call him Oprah. Here she is in Oprah’s 9000 penises-Pedobear Remix.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
This is some of the greatest cheese to come out of the 80’s. I have never seen anyone play a mixing board like a musical instrument before I watched this.
via videosift.com
You thought I was going to say this was the work of God, didn’t you? Nope, God, being the omniscient fellow that he is knew that the goblins would take care of it.
Speaking of God, they say he works in mysterious ways. Sometimes I think that people just use that sentiment as an excuse to do their own works in WTF ways. Ways such as the following video called Super Book. Why Super Book? Because a normal Bible would never time-transport you, your sibling, as well as your bumbling helper robot into some of the Old Testament’s most tumultuous events. Super Book would. Not to mention the fact that it is all done to a theme song that sounds like it was preformed by the 70’s prog-rock group Kansas.
via videosift.com
Maybe I am a little old fashioned when it comes to my churchin’ because I would not have thought that you would find The Theme Song from Superman in most hymnals.
via videosift.com
Let us slip over to the sinful side of man with those nutty Belgians and their internet search engine ads.
via videosift.com
Seeing that we are on the subject of all things holy and unholy why not mention Satan himself, or as you might call him Oprah. Here she is in Oprah’s 9000 penises-Pedobear Remix.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
This is some of the greatest cheese to come out of the 80’s. I have never seen anyone play a mixing board like a musical instrument before I watched this.
via videosift.com
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Death of Nursery Rhymes
This is all you really need today; the mere contemplation of this headline and opening paragraph will either occupy your mind the rest of the day, or simply wipe it blank.
North Wales man jailed over bizarre attack
Sep 19 2008 By Eryl Crump
A MAN who forced a householder to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep and lick his feet while filming the humiliating attack on his mobile phone has been locked up for three years.
Here is a bit of WTF that I thought was brilliantly done. It uses bizarre elements to tell the story of the human condition perfectly.
via videosift.com
Xwaksibee
North Wales man jailed over bizarre attack
Sep 19 2008 By Eryl Crump
A MAN who forced a householder to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep and lick his feet while filming the humiliating attack on his mobile phone has been locked up for three years.
Here is a bit of WTF that I thought was brilliantly done. It uses bizarre elements to tell the story of the human condition perfectly.
via videosift.com
Xwaksibee
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Xwaksibee
The word Phwoar, defined as an "expression of enthusiastic or lubricious approval", has been added to the Oxford English Dictionary proving once again that Brits talk funny. It is interesting to note that the folks at the good old OED, being forced to enter a slang word into their prestigious tome, have chosen to give it a definition comprised of the largest words that they could come up with. I had to look up what lubricious meant just get a greater sense of what Phwoar might mean to my everyday life. The word sounded greasy, and low and behold I was not too far off the mark with its primary definition, which turned out to be “having a slippery or smooth quality”. The second and more pertinent definition is “lewd, wanton”. So what it boils down to is Phwoar is the British version of our “cat call” or “wolf whistle”.
Another fascinating aspect to the word Phwoar is that those people, whose job it is to put stuff in the OED, have chosen to accept the non-phonetic Greek “Ph” beginning instead of a more common “F” giving the illusion of a richer etymology. Linguists can now spend days arguing which ancient poem of Homer did the early origins of Phwoar make its first appearance.
Linguist 1: In the subtext of the Iliad, Homer clearly mentions an orgy of snakelike beasts named the Phwortes.
Linguist 2: That occurrence surely is predated in Homers early work, Batrachomyomachia in which Homer speaks of the Phwoatus, a four headed wolf guardian.
Guy who just happens to be sitting at the next table over while trying to make use of the Starbucks free Wi-Fi connection so that he can watch the latest WTF posted daily at toddsift.blogspot.com, but is growing increasingly impatient with the two linguists: Shut up already!
All in all, this sparks in me a desire. My desire is to make sure that the word Xwaksibee makes in onto the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary. I do not care what the actual definition turns out to be, I will let society determine that. Just as long as I use it loud enough and long enough, I cannot fail. Now all I have to do is save up enough money for a plane ticket to London.
Think of today’s WTF triple collection as a sandwich. A sandwich made with love, where the first and last videos act as the soft doughy Wonder Bread to the mind-jarring pimento loaf that has got to be strangest music video I have seen to date.
I ease you in with a parody of James Blunt’s Beautiful
via videosift.com
Now comes the part where you regret buying that oddly aggregated luncheon meat, and regret even further that you are eating it on a sandwich.
via videosift.com
Now we come back to the sweet mercy of Sharon (of the Fred and Sharon Movies fame) trying to sell her wares to Jack Nicholson.
via videosift.com
Another fascinating aspect to the word Phwoar is that those people, whose job it is to put stuff in the OED, have chosen to accept the non-phonetic Greek “Ph” beginning instead of a more common “F” giving the illusion of a richer etymology. Linguists can now spend days arguing which ancient poem of Homer did the early origins of Phwoar make its first appearance.
Linguist 1: In the subtext of the Iliad, Homer clearly mentions an orgy of snakelike beasts named the Phwortes.
Linguist 2: That occurrence surely is predated in Homers early work, Batrachomyomachia in which Homer speaks of the Phwoatus, a four headed wolf guardian.
Guy who just happens to be sitting at the next table over while trying to make use of the Starbucks free Wi-Fi connection so that he can watch the latest WTF posted daily at toddsift.blogspot.com, but is growing increasingly impatient with the two linguists: Shut up already!
All in all, this sparks in me a desire. My desire is to make sure that the word Xwaksibee makes in onto the pages of the Oxford English Dictionary. I do not care what the actual definition turns out to be, I will let society determine that. Just as long as I use it loud enough and long enough, I cannot fail. Now all I have to do is save up enough money for a plane ticket to London.
Think of today’s WTF triple collection as a sandwich. A sandwich made with love, where the first and last videos act as the soft doughy Wonder Bread to the mind-jarring pimento loaf that has got to be strangest music video I have seen to date.
I ease you in with a parody of James Blunt’s Beautiful
via videosift.com
Now comes the part where you regret buying that oddly aggregated luncheon meat, and regret even further that you are eating it on a sandwich.
via videosift.com
Now we come back to the sweet mercy of Sharon (of the Fred and Sharon Movies fame) trying to sell her wares to Jack Nicholson.
via videosift.com
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Why do Security Guards Wear Ties?
Believe it or not there are still a large number of people out there who believe one the more important topics of the current presidential election should be national security. I cannot blame them entirely, everyone wants to feel safe. It is for this reason I lock my doors every night. However as I set the deadbolt I am all too aware of the fact that there is an easily breakable window not two feet away. I go through this routine knowing that security is an illusion. In the long run should we have protection, yes, but I think that we need to be careful not to cross the line into paranoia. Every time I see something like this I feel we are slipping further and further over that line.
This strangely random piece of street art shut down a Washington D.C. metro station, and caused delays on several of the train lines. Obviously the D.C.ers learned nothing from the folly of the Bostonians and their 3 million dollar scare over some Cartoon Network viral campaigning.
I can hope that some good will come of this knee jerk overreaction, at least now the terrorists will have to abandon their plots to attack us from the fluffy cuddly aisle of our local Toys R Us.
WATCH OUT!!!
I am one who does enjoy a good cartoon every now and then, and some of the most masterfully crafted cartoons come from Japan. This kind of stuff comes from Japan too.
via videosift.com
Here is a simple bit of animation called Internet Penis
This strangely random piece of street art shut down a Washington D.C. metro station, and caused delays on several of the train lines. Obviously the D.C.ers learned nothing from the folly of the Bostonians and their 3 million dollar scare over some Cartoon Network viral campaigning.
I can hope that some good will come of this knee jerk overreaction, at least now the terrorists will have to abandon their plots to attack us from the fluffy cuddly aisle of our local Toys R Us.
WATCH OUT!!!
I am one who does enjoy a good cartoon every now and then, and some of the most masterfully crafted cartoons come from Japan. This kind of stuff comes from Japan too.
via videosift.com
Here is a simple bit of animation called Internet Penis
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Jam!!! I Wish I was Your Lover!
According to a BBC News story I was reading, 12 people were hospitalized and an additional 39 people received treatment due inhalation of a chlorine gas cloud that formed as a result of an acid spill at a factory in Essex England yesterday. The Essex Fire and Rescue could be seen entering the facility in gas-tight chemical suits after the staff of over 150 workers was evacuated. The article detailed the exact cause of the chlorine gas cloud as being the result of sodium hypochlorite (bleach) mixing with hydrochloric acid (really bad burny stuff).
Industrial accidents are scary events, but the even scarier truth behind this article was what sort of factory the accident occurred in. Was it a chemical weapons plant? No, too obvious. Perhaps it was some sort of waste processing facility? Again no, but that would be a good guess. Surely it was a factory that makes industrial cleaners. Of course not, instead this factory produces some of the most hideously malignant substances on earth…This factory makes jam.
Before you strike off on some sort of pro-jam diatribe at me consider the following. While jam provides a delightfully sweet treatment for your morning toast and some of the finer connoisseurs would suggest that jam adds a much needed dimension to the classic PB&J, recall if you will how many times you have found that you have mysteriously acquired a smudge of the sticky condiment upon your elbow at your local breakfast eatery. Individuals merely have to lean against a table at Denny’s incorrectly to find themselves dappled with preserves undoubtedly left behind by the untidy hands of the toddler who dined there previously.
Yes ladies and gentlemen Jam has an agenda. Its goal in life is to spread its fructose laden gooey corpus from person to person until we all become covered in its sticky mass and the ants of the world rise up and devour us all. Still don’t believe me? Let us review the evidence at hand.
· Jam has the adherent properties that allow it to innocuously spread from table to individual.
· Jam has a highly celebrated public image, allowing it to enter into many facets of our culinary lives.
· Jam has the ability to subconsciously manipulate innocent children into smearing their sticky fingers along the sides of public eating tables.
· Most alarming, Jam has the capability to over turn vats of acid and bleach on its factory workers who show signs of rebellion against the Jam Absolutum Dominium.
If you wish to join my freedom fight you need only remember one simple fact; every jam spot you discover can easily be dispatched with a liberal dose of MANDOM. By repeatedly showering yourself with MANDOM, not only will you reduce the spread of Jam, but you will contribute to the over all manly musky quality of the air.
Remember kids like always Charles Bronson says,
“It’s your choice MANDOM or Jam Doom”
We are going to keep the WTF kinky today.
The Balloon Fetishists seem to be getting bolder these days, what with YouTube and all. This one definitely takes the cake by constructing his very own “6 days dead in shallow waters bloated Superman” costume.
via videosift.com
This is one of those videos that you could haplessly toss the moniker of CHALLENGE!!! onto, but seeing that only the first 10 seconds of this 10 minute loop is enough to make the point, a CHALLENGE!!! this is not. Watch and be disturbed by the violent anal rape of Donald Duck at the hands of his own nephew. Walt Disney is a cold bastard.
via videosift.com
Industrial accidents are scary events, but the even scarier truth behind this article was what sort of factory the accident occurred in. Was it a chemical weapons plant? No, too obvious. Perhaps it was some sort of waste processing facility? Again no, but that would be a good guess. Surely it was a factory that makes industrial cleaners. Of course not, instead this factory produces some of the most hideously malignant substances on earth…This factory makes jam.
Before you strike off on some sort of pro-jam diatribe at me consider the following. While jam provides a delightfully sweet treatment for your morning toast and some of the finer connoisseurs would suggest that jam adds a much needed dimension to the classic PB&J, recall if you will how many times you have found that you have mysteriously acquired a smudge of the sticky condiment upon your elbow at your local breakfast eatery. Individuals merely have to lean against a table at Denny’s incorrectly to find themselves dappled with preserves undoubtedly left behind by the untidy hands of the toddler who dined there previously.
Yes ladies and gentlemen Jam has an agenda. Its goal in life is to spread its fructose laden gooey corpus from person to person until we all become covered in its sticky mass and the ants of the world rise up and devour us all. Still don’t believe me? Let us review the evidence at hand.
· Jam has the adherent properties that allow it to innocuously spread from table to individual.
· Jam has a highly celebrated public image, allowing it to enter into many facets of our culinary lives.
· Jam has the ability to subconsciously manipulate innocent children into smearing their sticky fingers along the sides of public eating tables.
· Most alarming, Jam has the capability to over turn vats of acid and bleach on its factory workers who show signs of rebellion against the Jam Absolutum Dominium.
If you wish to join my freedom fight you need only remember one simple fact; every jam spot you discover can easily be dispatched with a liberal dose of MANDOM. By repeatedly showering yourself with MANDOM, not only will you reduce the spread of Jam, but you will contribute to the over all manly musky quality of the air.
Remember kids like always Charles Bronson says,
“It’s your choice MANDOM or Jam Doom”
We are going to keep the WTF kinky today.
The Balloon Fetishists seem to be getting bolder these days, what with YouTube and all. This one definitely takes the cake by constructing his very own “6 days dead in shallow waters bloated Superman” costume.
via videosift.com
This is one of those videos that you could haplessly toss the moniker of CHALLENGE!!! onto, but seeing that only the first 10 seconds of this 10 minute loop is enough to make the point, a CHALLENGE!!! this is not. Watch and be disturbed by the violent anal rape of Donald Duck at the hands of his own nephew. Walt Disney is a cold bastard.
via videosift.com
Monday, September 15, 2008
Worth More than a Thousand
Here is another one of those pictures that have cropped up on the web that leave me effectively speechless.
Okay, today’s videos run loosely along the theme of ass kicking.
In Japan extreme ass kicking is only a few glasses of milk away. Kind of ironic when you consider a large portion of the population is lactose intolerant. Extreme ass blasting might be a better term.
via videosift.com
From chalk fighting, to chick fighting, I now know what you do when neither on of your actors can mock fight. You shake the camera around, and speed the sequence up to make it appear as if there are some sweet skills being deployed.
via videosift.com
I don’t know about you, but this ninja cat could certainly kick my ass without me even knowing it. Don’t give up in the first 20 seconds or so, it is defiantly worth seeing the whole thing.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
While this CHALLENGE!!! contains no actual physical ass kicking, it will certainly put a hurtin’ on your brain after prolonged exposure.
via videosift.com
Okay, today’s videos run loosely along the theme of ass kicking.
In Japan extreme ass kicking is only a few glasses of milk away. Kind of ironic when you consider a large portion of the population is lactose intolerant. Extreme ass blasting might be a better term.
via videosift.com
From chalk fighting, to chick fighting, I now know what you do when neither on of your actors can mock fight. You shake the camera around, and speed the sequence up to make it appear as if there are some sweet skills being deployed.
via videosift.com
I don’t know about you, but this ninja cat could certainly kick my ass without me even knowing it. Don’t give up in the first 20 seconds or so, it is defiantly worth seeing the whole thing.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
While this CHALLENGE!!! contains no actual physical ass kicking, it will certainly put a hurtin’ on your brain after prolonged exposure.
via videosift.com
Friday, September 12, 2008
When will Denny’s Come Out with the Siam Slam?
After watching an episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern last night I have decided that the Thai people are secretly playing a big joke on all of us English speaking folk. In the episode Mr. Zimmern visited many a small Thai village with a sexually suggestive sounding name. The same syllables kept creeping up in these village names. Syllables like kok, bang, and hung. Now obviously these words are completely innocuous to the Thais because this is their language, but to me I cannot help giggling like a prepubescent school girl every time I hear about the city of Bangkok. I think the real clincher was when the show started off on the island of Phuket. Anyone who knows anything about Thai pronunciation will tell you that Poo-Ket is the way to say it, but it will be forever sealed in my mind as Fuck it. I think that this suggestive naming convention is Thailand’s revenge for Rogers and Hammerstein’s The King and I. I don’t think the Thai people liked having a musical that portrayed their King as a stubborn backasswards dictator that could only be softened and converted through the love of an independent English woman. I think as a result, they started deliberately naming things in words that would make us Yanks and Limeys sound like we had potty mouths. I say good on you Thailand, you have secretly pulled a fast one on the western world, and I can certainly appreciate the joke.
Today’s WTF comes strictly in commercial form.
I know that If I had this lovely assortment of home wares to sell, my first campaign strategy would be to employ a few bedazzled contortionists as well.
via videosift.com
My favorite part about this commercial is that it was no way intended to be WTF, but WTF inevitably happens when you add together 50 year old out of touch ad execs, athletes, and blatant product promotions.
via videosift.com
And here are a few late entries with much thanks to Theron.
Sabby's Lounge
Remember kids monogomy without monotony is the only way to go, that is at least it is the way to go once you are tired of sodomy and bestiality.
Today’s WTF comes strictly in commercial form.
I know that If I had this lovely assortment of home wares to sell, my first campaign strategy would be to employ a few bedazzled contortionists as well.
via videosift.com
My favorite part about this commercial is that it was no way intended to be WTF, but WTF inevitably happens when you add together 50 year old out of touch ad execs, athletes, and blatant product promotions.
via videosift.com
And here are a few late entries with much thanks to Theron.
Sabby's Lounge
Remember kids monogomy without monotony is the only way to go, that is at least it is the way to go once you are tired of sodomy and bestiality.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Choose Your Own toddsift
While contemplating what to write today I found myself almost overwhelmed. Do I go all “mainstream” and mention the fact that today is 9/11? No, there are far too many facets to that subject, and quite frankly I believe that it will be more than hammered to death today already (take your moment of silence if you want to). The Large Hadron Collider is something that has been scaring the heebee jeebees out of me as of late, but that again is something that has been all over the media and internet (don’t be lulled into a feeling of safety just yet, it will be months before they actually collide things). I could speak to the fact that Andy (Awesome’s Stepfather and creator of this blog) will soon be leaving us to pursue a career with greater potential. However I think I shouldn’t be the one to profess another’s personal decisions to the masses before they have a chance to. Mulling all of this over lead me to the decision that what I would write about today was all of the things that I could have written about today, but in a vague non-committal sort of way. This way I have placed the ball in your court, dear visitor, allowing you the ultimate freedom of choice. So here is some blank space to paint your own imagery…enjoy.
Okay, now that all that esoteric bullshit is out of the way, here is the WTF.
I think that an introduction would just tarnish the shiny beauty of this clip, so here you go.
This video however I felt needed not so much an intro as much as it needed a warning. THIS IS INTENDED TO DISTURB YOU, AND DISTURB YOU IT WILL, IF IT DOESN”T DISTURB YOU, YOU MUST ALREADY BE DISTURBED!!!
via videosift.com
Is this a CHALLENGE??? Perhaps only if you do not like things that are so terrible that they are so awesome. Personally I enjoyed all 4 minutes of this music video.
via videosift.com
Okay, now that all that esoteric bullshit is out of the way, here is the WTF.
I think that an introduction would just tarnish the shiny beauty of this clip, so here you go.
This video however I felt needed not so much an intro as much as it needed a warning. THIS IS INTENDED TO DISTURB YOU, AND DISTURB YOU IT WILL, IF IT DOESN”T DISTURB YOU, YOU MUST ALREADY BE DISTURBED!!!
via videosift.com
Is this a CHALLENGE??? Perhaps only if you do not like things that are so terrible that they are so awesome. Personally I enjoyed all 4 minutes of this music video.
via videosift.com
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Hope
I have a really good feeling about the future of Detroit especially when the new City Council President Pro Tem Monica Conyers has expressed a calm and cooperative persona to the local media. What was it she said again? Oh yes, I believe the statement she made to the media upon arrival to her first meeting was this.
“You are all evil, leave me alone!”
That statement brings back the soothing memories of my childhood. I remember one year, a snowy Christmas Eve, awaking in the night to the sound of footsteps upon my roof. Like most children I was immediately curious to see if the stories of St. Nick were true. Shuffling bleary eyed down the hall in my footy pajamas, I rounded the corner just in time to see the jolly fat man squeezing his was back up the chimney flew. As he rose he left me with a bit of Christmas cheer that I will never forget.
“Go back to bed you little bastard” said the bringer of Holiday happiness, “and tell no one of what you saw, or I’ll break your fucking legs!”
There was also the time that I woke just before sun up one Easter morning to find that the Easter Bunny had passed out in my living room and had vomited Cadbury Crème Eggs into my Easter basket. As I gently nudged the gin soaked symbol of blessed redemption out the front door I recall him muttering gently to himself.
“You’re lucky Jesus loves you, because I think you are a twat.”
Then of course there was the year that St. Patrick’s re-animated corpse showed up in my bedroom cursing in Gaelic with all those snakes.
So yes, I can safely say that I see nothing but good coming from the Detroit City Council in the next few years.
I know that I always home test all of my cosmetic products with radioactivity. Hmmm…I don’t remember having that third nipple before…and especially not on my cheek.
via videosift.com
I cannot tell which ethnic group this is designed to offend, so in its stead, I say fuck you to everyone.
This is not safe for work, small children, llamas, grandmothers, nuns, and licensed day care operators. The rest of you enjoy this fairly raunchy bit of sketch comedy.
via videosift.com
“You are all evil, leave me alone!”
That statement brings back the soothing memories of my childhood. I remember one year, a snowy Christmas Eve, awaking in the night to the sound of footsteps upon my roof. Like most children I was immediately curious to see if the stories of St. Nick were true. Shuffling bleary eyed down the hall in my footy pajamas, I rounded the corner just in time to see the jolly fat man squeezing his was back up the chimney flew. As he rose he left me with a bit of Christmas cheer that I will never forget.
“Go back to bed you little bastard” said the bringer of Holiday happiness, “and tell no one of what you saw, or I’ll break your fucking legs!”
There was also the time that I woke just before sun up one Easter morning to find that the Easter Bunny had passed out in my living room and had vomited Cadbury Crème Eggs into my Easter basket. As I gently nudged the gin soaked symbol of blessed redemption out the front door I recall him muttering gently to himself.
“You’re lucky Jesus loves you, because I think you are a twat.”
Then of course there was the year that St. Patrick’s re-animated corpse showed up in my bedroom cursing in Gaelic with all those snakes.
So yes, I can safely say that I see nothing but good coming from the Detroit City Council in the next few years.
I know that I always home test all of my cosmetic products with radioactivity. Hmmm…I don’t remember having that third nipple before…and especially not on my cheek.
via videosift.com
I cannot tell which ethnic group this is designed to offend, so in its stead, I say fuck you to everyone.
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
This is not safe for work, small children, llamas, grandmothers, nuns, and licensed day care operators. The rest of you enjoy this fairly raunchy bit of sketch comedy.
via videosift.com
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
So Rong Deal Fliend?
A Japanese university professor has made the claim that North Korea’s very own superstar Kim Jong Il has actually been dead since 2003. He suggests that the country is being run by a shadow government and several Kim Jong Il look-a-likes have been used for public appearances. There could be far reaching repercussions if this were to be true. Increased sanctions, U.S. invasion, nuclear threat all pale in comparison to the simple fact that Jong Il himself would have never seen his glorious marionette portrayal in Team America: World Police. When I think of the possibility that Mr. Kim (a reported lover of western cinema) might have never been able to sing along with his on screen counterpart my heart is filled with a heavy sadness. I hope that this outlandish claim can be proven wrong, so that someday the entire Kim clan can gather around their 42 inch LG television and bask in the glory of what can only be described as the greatest form of flattery to Jong Il.
The internets were full of some very artsy WTF today. I find that even if you slap on the label artsy, it still doesn’t excuse the WTF.
via videosift.com
I know what they are saying on the other end of that phone line. They are telling these people that gas prices will triple in the next 20 years.
via videosift.com
Gay? Yes quite, but in that good old fashioned entertaining way that leaves you extremely puzzled.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
One of the things that made this most CHALLENGE!!! worthy is that it takes over a minute to actually get rolling, after that, it is just all about cake and meat.
via videosift.com
The internets were full of some very artsy WTF today. I find that even if you slap on the label artsy, it still doesn’t excuse the WTF.
via videosift.com
I know what they are saying on the other end of that phone line. They are telling these people that gas prices will triple in the next 20 years.
via videosift.com
Gay? Yes quite, but in that good old fashioned entertaining way that leaves you extremely puzzled.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
One of the things that made this most CHALLENGE!!! worthy is that it takes over a minute to actually get rolling, after that, it is just all about cake and meat.
via videosift.com
Monday, September 8, 2008
Bfv L Ts
There are all sorts of ways to kill brain cells out there and alcohol has got to be the favorite of the populous. Like everything else we humans come across on our journey through life, alcohol must change and adapt to accommodate for our ever waning attention spans. What began with mead, wine and beer, soon branched out to liquor, liqueurs, schnapps, and cordials. Still not satisfied we started flavoring everything that didn’t have flavoring already in it. Vodka became current, beer became raspberry, wine became coolers, and gay guys and white chicks drank Zima. One would think by looking at the countless selections at your local party store that the pinnacle of mixology has been reached. That is where we would find ourselves wrong and fall victim to the classic underestimation of human ingenuity. That is when we would meet this man.
That man is Don Yovicsin and he is the owner of Jake’s Roadhouse in Waltham, Massachusetts. Don makes his own Vodka. As a bar owner, this make a tremendous amount of sense, but what doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me is the kind of Vodka he makes. I wonder how observant you were when you looked at the above photograph. Did you notice the label? Go ahead and take a second look.
I realize the resolution isn’t so grand, but I am certain that you noticed this time that the vodka is flavored with…bacon (not to mention the meat stir stick). What would posses a person to want to pair these two items? Don says that he was inspired by his love of bacon, and encouragement from friends. However, beside the desire to make the bloody marry a more socially acceptable breakfast drink, there must be another driving force behind this concoction. Again we exercise our powers of observation and return to the original photograph.
Look specifically at his eyes.
Look closer…
Closer…
Closer yet.
Starting to see something?
Yes there is definitely something there.
Ah Ha!! There it is! There is definitely crazy in that man’s eyes. Crazy would certainly drive someone to infuse one of the harshest tasting boozes with all the goodness that the porcine population can bring us!
Now if you excuse me I have to go mix mackerel into my tapioca.
Many times I find videos from other countries that do to a language barrier, I find simply bizarre because I don’t understand the context in which they belong. Here is one of those videos that I don’t think it would matter, because I believe that there is no context in which it belongs.
This video makes the grade because it is of the first ever graduate from the prestigious Fred and Sharon School of Music.
That man is Don Yovicsin and he is the owner of Jake’s Roadhouse in Waltham, Massachusetts. Don makes his own Vodka. As a bar owner, this make a tremendous amount of sense, but what doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me is the kind of Vodka he makes. I wonder how observant you were when you looked at the above photograph. Did you notice the label? Go ahead and take a second look.
I realize the resolution isn’t so grand, but I am certain that you noticed this time that the vodka is flavored with…bacon (not to mention the meat stir stick). What would posses a person to want to pair these two items? Don says that he was inspired by his love of bacon, and encouragement from friends. However, beside the desire to make the bloody marry a more socially acceptable breakfast drink, there must be another driving force behind this concoction. Again we exercise our powers of observation and return to the original photograph.
Look specifically at his eyes.
Look closer…
Closer…
Closer yet.
Starting to see something?
Yes there is definitely something there.
Ah Ha!! There it is! There is definitely crazy in that man’s eyes. Crazy would certainly drive someone to infuse one of the harshest tasting boozes with all the goodness that the porcine population can bring us!
Now if you excuse me I have to go mix mackerel into my tapioca.
Many times I find videos from other countries that do to a language barrier, I find simply bizarre because I don’t understand the context in which they belong. Here is one of those videos that I don’t think it would matter, because I believe that there is no context in which it belongs.
This video makes the grade because it is of the first ever graduate from the prestigious Fred and Sharon School of Music.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Shock, Shock and More Shock
According to local Boise news this woman was arrested by the police for carrying 450 ecstasy tablets. I think that by looking at her it is obvious what she might have done with the other 450.
I thought that perhaps this was not the first time that the lovely Andrea was arrested. I put on my “investigative journalist” codpiece and got straight to work. Delving through countless mug shots I was able to unearth a few possible aliases that this individual might have been arrested under in the past.
Here we see a rather similar looking woman who was found in possession of 478 grams of crystal-meth.
This mug shot shows a woman who could also be Andrea on 450 ecstasy tablets; however her clever disguise made a 100% positive identification impossible.
Okay. I hope that you are sitting down in a comfortable chair, with no impressionable children or the elderly around, because here are a couple of WTF doozies.
Semi-naked Old Dude Sits and Talks Frankly about His Penis is the title that the orignial "videosifter" applied to this find, and I think that is the only title that does this video justice.
via videosift.com
If that was not enough to make you want to scrub your eyeballs with steal-wool, then perhaps this optometrist commercial from Thailand will.
via videosift.com
I thought that perhaps this was not the first time that the lovely Andrea was arrested. I put on my “investigative journalist” codpiece and got straight to work. Delving through countless mug shots I was able to unearth a few possible aliases that this individual might have been arrested under in the past.
Here we see a rather similar looking woman who was found in possession of 478 grams of crystal-meth.
This mug shot shows a woman who could also be Andrea on 450 ecstasy tablets; however her clever disguise made a 100% positive identification impossible.
Okay. I hope that you are sitting down in a comfortable chair, with no impressionable children or the elderly around, because here are a couple of WTF doozies.
Semi-naked Old Dude Sits and Talks Frankly about His Penis is the title that the orignial "videosifter" applied to this find, and I think that is the only title that does this video justice.
via videosift.com
If that was not enough to make you want to scrub your eyeballs with steal-wool, then perhaps this optometrist commercial from Thailand will.
via videosift.com
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Lots-O-Lots
There is so much to watch today that I will not overburden you with one of my rants. I think that there is a little something for everyone, so enjoy…or don’t (I won’t put that kind of pressure on you).
Say what you will about the blatant rip-offs that you see pouring out of “Bollywood” these days, but you have to admit these guys certainly know how to put together a very elaborate and thoroughly confusing dance number. I keep trying to wrap my head around what sort of plot this would fit into. All I know is that I want the outfit the leading man appears in around the three minute mark (you know, for weddings and funerals and such).
via videosift.com
I know when I was growing up in the 80’s I always felt left out. The cool kids all hung out on the corner and had their venereal diseases, while the rest of us just went about our daily lives not having VD. If only I had grown up in the 60’s this PSA might have given me the confidence to go out there and contract my very own case of herpes or dare I even say it…syphilis?
via videosift.com
This video is called Weird-O-Rama and it is one of those videos that I have to ponder long and hard over. While watching it I said to myself “Is this too blatantly WTF? So much so that it negates the otherwise purity of naturally occurring WTF?” but then the Llama started screaming.
weird-o-rama from focusmatic on Vimeo.
I have never seen anyone get electrocuted by a bunch of grapes before, but I can assure you that once I did, I had to watch it again and again.
via videosift.com
I have often expressed my fears of a robot revolution, and yet at the same time I have always been fascinated and entertained by robots…Just not as much as the Japanese are fascinated and entertained by robots. If you know anything about Anime you know that a healthy dose of it generally involves human piloted robots fighting other human piloted robots using gigantic medieval weaponry. So what better way to train the youth of Japan for the inevitable future of gladiatorial mechanical battles then this enriching interactive display?
via videosift.com
If the Japanese will eventually use robots to fight their battles, then we Americans will certainly use our robots to eat doughnuts.
via videosift.com
Say what you will about the blatant rip-offs that you see pouring out of “Bollywood” these days, but you have to admit these guys certainly know how to put together a very elaborate and thoroughly confusing dance number. I keep trying to wrap my head around what sort of plot this would fit into. All I know is that I want the outfit the leading man appears in around the three minute mark (you know, for weddings and funerals and such).
via videosift.com
I know when I was growing up in the 80’s I always felt left out. The cool kids all hung out on the corner and had their venereal diseases, while the rest of us just went about our daily lives not having VD. If only I had grown up in the 60’s this PSA might have given me the confidence to go out there and contract my very own case of herpes or dare I even say it…syphilis?
via videosift.com
This video is called Weird-O-Rama and it is one of those videos that I have to ponder long and hard over. While watching it I said to myself “Is this too blatantly WTF? So much so that it negates the otherwise purity of naturally occurring WTF?” but then the Llama started screaming.
weird-o-rama from focusmatic on Vimeo.
I have never seen anyone get electrocuted by a bunch of grapes before, but I can assure you that once I did, I had to watch it again and again.
via videosift.com
I have often expressed my fears of a robot revolution, and yet at the same time I have always been fascinated and entertained by robots…Just not as much as the Japanese are fascinated and entertained by robots. If you know anything about Anime you know that a healthy dose of it generally involves human piloted robots fighting other human piloted robots using gigantic medieval weaponry. So what better way to train the youth of Japan for the inevitable future of gladiatorial mechanical battles then this enriching interactive display?
via videosift.com
If the Japanese will eventually use robots to fight their battles, then we Americans will certainly use our robots to eat doughnuts.
via videosift.com
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
It Goes Flat if You Shake It
A little known U.S. company known as the Coca-Cola Co. is doing something a little unheard of these days. They are dealing with China, but not in the way that you would expect. Instead of letting China produce New Coke (now with 10% more G.H.B.) like most other companies are doing, they are actually buying the Huiyuan Juice Company. Imagine that, a U.S. company taking advantage of a foreign economy. That is nearly as amazing as say…requiring all foreign companies to make their products on our soil using our labor… but why get carried away. For now we can just be content knowing that a U.S. company is actually taking advantage of a rapidly expanding foreign market instead of sending U.S. jobs to that rapidly expanding foreign market.
If this doesn’t put a smile on your face then you must be a damn dirty communist.
via videosift.com
Quite frankly, anything that comes from the website superdeluxe.com is almost immediately up for consideration for my site. In all actuality you could just go there on a daily basis and get the WTF that you need. I would hope however, that you come to my site any way for its engrossing dialogue and whimsical stories (much like the people that get subscriptions to Playboy for the articles).
If this doesn’t put a smile on your face then you must be a damn dirty communist.
via videosift.com
Quite frankly, anything that comes from the website superdeluxe.com is almost immediately up for consideration for my site. In all actuality you could just go there on a daily basis and get the WTF that you need. I would hope however, that you come to my site any way for its engrossing dialogue and whimsical stories (much like the people that get subscriptions to Playboy for the articles).
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Eine Woche hat sieben Tage*
While trolling the internets today I happened across this image.
I was surprised that someone was able to get such a clear shot of Hurricane Gustav, and even more surprised to learn that he arrived inland via a bicycle. The beard certainly says Gustav, but all this talk of his power seems a gross overstatement when you see the kinds of tree branches he is able to knock over. Perhaps I am just a little disappointed…you see this is the image of Gustav that I had formed in my head.
Now that is what I would call a grand storm with a proud German heritage. I am also bummed out over the fact that Gustav couldn’t have hung in the Gulf of Mexico a few more weeks so that its arrival would have timed better with Oktoberfest. Oh well I guess if I always had it my way I would be King of all Puddings and live high atop a mountain in my palace of Q-Tips and I would shower the people of the valley below with gifts of steak and daffodils.
See how much better my world would be?
As King I would adopt this adorable little jingle about cheese as my kingdom’s national anthem.
via videosift.com
As all good monarchs of fantasy kingdoms, I would have a nemesis. My nemesis would be The Invisible Girl, as sung about in this song. I think Invisible Tube-top might have been better title for this video. More than once I thought that top was going to bypass Areola-Land and go straight to Nippleville.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
This video is the very definition of painful. See if you can outlast my time of 2 minutes 12 seconds.
via videosift.com
* This is one of the first phrases I learned while taking German in Junior High…translate for hilarity.
I was surprised that someone was able to get such a clear shot of Hurricane Gustav, and even more surprised to learn that he arrived inland via a bicycle. The beard certainly says Gustav, but all this talk of his power seems a gross overstatement when you see the kinds of tree branches he is able to knock over. Perhaps I am just a little disappointed…you see this is the image of Gustav that I had formed in my head.
Now that is what I would call a grand storm with a proud German heritage. I am also bummed out over the fact that Gustav couldn’t have hung in the Gulf of Mexico a few more weeks so that its arrival would have timed better with Oktoberfest. Oh well I guess if I always had it my way I would be King of all Puddings and live high atop a mountain in my palace of Q-Tips and I would shower the people of the valley below with gifts of steak and daffodils.
See how much better my world would be?
As King I would adopt this adorable little jingle about cheese as my kingdom’s national anthem.
via videosift.com
As all good monarchs of fantasy kingdoms, I would have a nemesis. My nemesis would be The Invisible Girl, as sung about in this song. I think Invisible Tube-top might have been better title for this video. More than once I thought that top was going to bypass Areola-Land and go straight to Nippleville.
via videosift.com
CHALLENGE!!!
This video is the very definition of painful. See if you can outlast my time of 2 minutes 12 seconds.
via videosift.com
* This is one of the first phrases I learned while taking German in Junior High…translate for hilarity.
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