Protect the Cheese!!!

It is always amazing to me how everyday objects seem to have the richest of histories. Take the pizza box top support for instance. The internet (the big liar that it is) will tell you that this humble invention was patented in 1983 by Carmela Vitale… end of story.

WRONG!

This is just the prologue to the story…a story that takes place mostly in flashback form, and then eventually catches up with the point of the prologue. From the point of the prologue the story continues into the future to round out the narrative. Leaving you to think; “if there needed to be so much background information to be told, why the hell they would decide to set the prologue three quarters into the story…what do they think this is The Usual Suspects, or something?”

But I digress.

The pizza box support is as old as the pizza itself (which everyone knows is as old as the world itself). When God kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden they sought shelter in caves. It was in these caves where Adam spent his time doing cave paintings and ordering from the local pizza places. Pizza boxes, not being made of the sturdy stuff they are today, necessitated a support device to keep the papyrus lids from sticking to the goat cheese toppings.


As time rolled on (and there was much unspoken incest), man eventually mastered the soft metals such as bronze. Bronze left far less sediment upon the pizzas than its predecessor of sandstone did, and so it was adopted for all lid support needs.


Thanks to the invading armies of the west (and you thought there were no positives to war) Iron became the new bronze, much in the way wool became the new burlap.


Iron was the standard for a long period of time, eventually man made materials would permanently replace the iron pizza box support, but only after a resurgence of the “Modern Look” in the early 1980’s. Below we see a classy brushed aluminum model.


(here is the part where we would come back around to the prologue… patented in 1983 by Carmela Vitale…blah blah blah and so on).

It is the future we see here. Do not be fooled by its plain appearance, for you see this is no ordinary plastic pizza box support. It is an ordinary plastic pizza box support with mp3 capibitlity.



Thank God for progress.

Here is the WTF

If you were unfortunate enough to watch the last two seasons of 24 then this video might not seem that out there to you. If you were like me and bailed out on the show before it sank into the laughable abyss of nonsense, then here is a glimpse of what it was like.



CHALLENGE!!!

Well maybe not a CHALLENGE!!!, I sat through this with no problem. I felt deeply embarrassed for this individual, but that is howl I fee about most people at any given time.


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I Don’t Respect the Elderly

According to a recent survey 53% of Americans over the age of 100 believe that the ’08 election will be the most important election in their lifetime…What ever, easy for them to say! We are talking about a group of people who have the same statistical chance of living to see the next election as I have in successfully genetically engineering the first ever pocket elephant. It’s easy making outlandish claims when you are seconds away from the game ending buzzer of life. If the survey takers really wanted to impress me they should have interviewed 6 week old babies and gotten their opinion. I bet you more than a few of the diaper wearing droolers (meaning the babies, not the fore mentioned centenarians) would not want to make a call that would take a lifetime for them to live down. It always seems to come down to the fact that the world is just too damn lazy to impress me the way I feel it should. Oh well, I guess I am just going to have to put more effort into impressing myself…now where did I leave that elephant DNA?

The Wizard of Speed and Time is rather impressive, but I don’t think that he is from our world.


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Here is a couple of classic internet ditties that I thought might brighten up your day.

First is the Llama Song.



Second, The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.




CHALLENGE!!!

After last week’s ULTIMATE CHALLENGE!!!
I thought that maybe I should throw you a softball. This CHALLENGE!!! is only effective if you have the volume turned up loud enough for the accompanying song to successfully bore a hole in your brain. Yes I did sit through the whole thing…good thing it was short.


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It’s Getting Preachy in Here

The other day Theron informed me that there happened to be a screaming squirrel perched atop his neighbor’s roof. I inquired if he meant a chattering squirrel and he told me the squirrel was definitely screaming. This of course meant that I would have to verify this phenomenon via the highly accurate youtube. Sure enough there were several videos of squirrels screaming. Just what are these majestic woodland creatures so worked up about? Are they concerned with the decline of quality oak trees, due to mankind’s sprawling urbanization? Are they distraught over negative impact of the industrial revolution on the environment? Are they yelling a warning about the inevitable collapse of the modern world due to globalization and an ever thinning economy? No, of course not, they are just squirrels after all and they focus on the simple things in life. Most likely they are just pissed off at the neighborhood dog, or are yelling in frustration because another squirrel snatched a hidden cache of their prized acorns. I am by no means suggesting we turn a blind eye to the larger problems that face our world today, but I am sure that there is someone out there looking down at us and laughing at how menial our problems seem in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps the solution to all of our worldly issues is to follow the advice of a lesser known White Stripes song.

“Be like the squirrel, girl, be like the squirrel”
- Little Acorns

After all if we had spent our time focusing on the simple things in life, we may have never gotten to the point we are trying to get away from today.

Okay let us move from squirrels to horses. I like how the owner of the horse (the one that wins this race) decided to affront the long held tradition of naming your race horse long complicated names.


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Here we go from horses to dogs. I never knew that chronic masturbation could lead to the demise of my household pet…I better cut down.


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Finally let’s move on from dogs to cougars. I would “Boogie-Voogie” all day and night with these classy ladies. I don’t know what I find more entertaining about this song; the fact that they are so polite that they repeatedly use the formal moniker of SIR, or that the lyrics of the second verse basically tell you that you should have listened to the chorus, and that they are going to sing that chorus again.


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Slippery when Slippery

Ah, the Japanese.

How do they cope with the hot summer weather? They cope by drinking eel drink of course. Unagi Nobori (Surging Eel) has found its way into the marketplaces of Japan, complimenting the upcoming eel season. The energy drink is made with your typical energy drink mish mash of water, vitamins, carbonation, and of course extracts from the skull and bones of an eel. You really cannot be too shocked; everyone knows that Red Bull must contain at least 15% Bull, and that Rock Star Energy Drink certainly is distilled from the sweat of real rock stars. I myself will never purchase Monster Energy Drink simply because I know that their claims are false…there is no such thing as monsters, therefore there cannot be any traceable amounts of monster in it. Unagi Nobori does give me an excellent idea though. You see, all these years I have just given my dog the water that I drained from the tuna can, but those days are over.

Introducing:


Don’t worry, when I become a millionaire from selling this product, I won’t forget all the little people who have been there for me all these years.

Only one video Todd?!?!?

Yes, there need be only one.

Must be Some Kind of Warts

My day got off to a WTF start today. On my way to work I happened to be tailgated for some time by a rather rude driver (one of those “Silver Fox” executive types). Normally for my own sanity I would just move over and allow the prick to pass on by. Today I was feeling slightly more malicious than I usually do and as a result decided not to budge. I could almost hear the frustration emanating from his pours as he was forced to follow my diminutive dirt covered Pontiac Vibe, with his obviously superior gleaming red Cadillac CTS LP (LP being a package demarcation that I have created. It stands for Lack of Penis). Eventually Mr. “I get off on verbally assaulting my administrative assistant” Corporate Dill Hole found a gap allowing him to pass me (on the right of course). As he passed, sneering at me for only going 15 mph above the speed limit, I saw the universe come into focus. I was given a glimpse into the master plan. Some people call it Karma, I call it hilarious. As quickly as I could, I grabbed my cell phone and snapped a picture of his car, attempting to get a clear shot of his license plate. Unfortunately, as I was not willing to tailgate him, I was not able to get a clear picture of what I saw. Here is the picture I did get.


Now using my top secret government computer I shall attempt to make it clearer.

Zoom and Enhance.

And there you have it. This man is traveling around with a license plate that proudly proclaims that he has Ass V.D. (or if you wish to use the University of Michigan M… Mass V.D. is equally laughable).

Here is the point where being a Michigan State University graduate I could add insult to injury by making a claim such as “as a MSU alumnus this is the exact sort of behavior I would have expected from a U of M alumnus”, but like I said, I was given a glimpse into the master plan, and that sort of attitude can come back on you.

Besides as a MSU alumnus, I was taught better.

Here is the WTF

This one is a bit on the esoteric side, but every now and then I think we all need to be a little pretentious when it comes to humor. I am just kidding… it’s a video about missing socks.


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This video is titled D.A.R.E. Cat, and it is WTF.


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You Might Never Be the Same

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The Hair is in the Pudding

Theron sent me this picture.

Yes that is a hair extension that some how became road kill. Theron knows me well enough to know that I cannot leave well enough alone unless I know that enough is enough, in which case I usually just throw my hands up in the air and say in a loud voice I GIVE UP!(you thought that I was going to say ENOUGH didn’t you?) Theron knows that I would have to investigate further.

I took it upon myself to travel to the area where this weave road kill was found to look for clues to what might have happened.

I looked up.

I looked to my left.

I looked to my right.

Finally I looked behind me.

It was clear to me that there was a tragic traffic accident here. Obviously a motor vehicle had struck a pedestrian with such force that the victim’s apparel was violently rent from his or her body. I surmise the driver drove away in fear, leaving the pedestrian victim to wonder off dazed (and mostly naked). I couldn’t find any more clues so I decided to make a composite image of what the victim was wearing the day of this tragic accident.

If you have any knowledge of whom this person is contact me and I will pass the information along to the appropriate authorities.


The WTF was not that WTF today, but I thought this was humorous. It has a bit of the NSFW language.




I want to make commercials like this one.

Let the Polish Jokes Begin

The Polish are a proud people with a rich history of jokes at their expense. I am not certain when this phenomenon began, some say Nazi Germany, others claim it to be an American invention, and yet still some claim that this form of humor is as old as the country itself. At any rate, I have often tread lightly when it comes to the ski-humor, mostly because the Americanized version of my last name ends with ske and is pronounced incorrectly as ski. Often many assume that I am Polish as a result. The truth be told, I am Germanic in decent, and to put a finer point on it my last name is actually Prussian in origin (originally ending with a schke) where the e is pronounced as a short e. However when it really comes down to it Prussians are just Germans who are too embarrassed to call themselves Polish, so go ahead make all the Polish jokes you would like at my expense. At least I am smart enough not to pee on an electric train’s third rail unlike the 41 year old Polish tourist while visiting Great Brittan’s Vauxhall, South London train station did recently. Needless to say he did not survive the 750 volt charge. Which brings us to the question, how many Polaks does it take to stop a train?

There seems to be a large amount of Grindcore horror movie clips creeping around the internets these days, and they usually make for some decent WTF, but this one has to take the cake. Watch it all the way through for the full mind blowing experience.


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All that I have to say about this video is Japanese Masturbating Machine.


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I Run for No Man

A 32 year old man died while attempting the New York City Triathlon, I am going to guess it was because he was attempting a triathlon. I don’t care how healthy and in shape you are nor how much time you have spent training, I just don’t believe that it is wise to race in three of the most grueling physical activities all in one sitting. If you have to participate in triple activities, I suggest combinations such as; beer, pizza and videogames, movie, popcorn, and freezy-drink of your choice, or the ultimate, Barry White, sex, and whipped cream (by Barry White I mean his music, but it’s your choice). My combinations are not likely to get you killed…that is unless you do actually choose to dig up Barry White for a little necrophilia, who knows what sort of diseases you could catch then.

Here is the WTF.

I am not sure what to make of this Semi-Clockwork-Orange-Mildly-Racist Ad for Schlitz Malt Liqour, but then again if I did know what to make of it, I probably wouldn’t post it.


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Aye-aye Captain

There are a many places on this planet that I am very grateful that I was not born. I think the place that currently tops my list is Madagascar. Obviously being a heat-phobe should be enough to make me not want to live there, but what really gets me is all of the freaky animals that come from there. Animals like the Aye-aye.


Cute isn’t it, this particular Aye-aye is a baby and they don’t get much better looking with age either.


Just look at that thing’s feet!!! That is if you can pull your gaze away from its freaky head long enough. Here I will make it easy for you.


Okay…okay, perhaps I am not using the most flattering photos of it, there has got to be a cuter picture.


Well maybe not.


Well if the fact that these creatures roam the night in Madagascar wasn’t enough to keep you away then this little fact just might. The Aye-aye is an endangered animal. Why you say? They have been hunted into near extinction by the local Madagascans who find them to be a delicious source of meat.

Yes, people eat them.



I guess when compared to what Americans will eat (as parodied in this video) the Aye-aye may not be so bad after all.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Here is part 3 of A Vodka Movie by Zach Galifianakis, Tim and Eric. If you haven’t seen parts one and two refer back to my post on Tuesday, May 6th entitled Garfield Hated Mondays.


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Molestation Central

Andy Dick was arrested the other day for allegedly grabbing and exposing the breasts of a seventeen year old girl out side of a buffalo wild wings restaurant.

Brian Bonsall, the former child actor who played the “Jump the Shark” little brother (Andy) to Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties, was arrested the other day for breaking parole.

Some how I would have thought that it would have been far more likely to have read this headline instead.

Andy Dick arrested for grabbing and exposing the penis of Brian Bonsall. When the news reached former co-star Michael J. Fox, he appeared to be deeply shaken…but that could have just been the Parkinson’s.

I know…poor taste.

Here is some more poor taste


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CHALLENGE!!!

This video is so bizarre, so deliberately WTF that it passes all understanding. I made it 3 minutes in then proceeded to shuttle through the rest.


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Crabs Doth Re-occurith

As I was looking for my WTF today I couldn’t help but to notice the ads on the website I was on. Several of these ads pictured rather attractive young women staring flirtatiously into the camera with (as an old high school buddy of mine used to say) “come fuck me eyes” (yes he was a poet). These ads were all from the same online dating service. This leads me to believe that there can only be, rather attractive young women who stare flirtatiously, populating these sites. This is a bit of a conundrum for me. I always figured that rather attractive young women who stare flirtatiously would have no need for a dating service. That is when it hit me…all of these rather attractive young women who stare flirtatiously must have crabs or possibly scabies. It is a shame that here in this modern day of medicine and enlightenment that crabs and scabies should have such a prevalent roll in our society. That is why today I am going to start yet another organization, P.W.C.S.F.B.P.W.C.S or People Without Crabs and Scabies For the Benefit of People With Crabs and Scabies. Hopefully with time and education, and generous donations from charitable people like you we can stamp out the crabs and scabies epidemic that seems to so savagely effect our nations rather attractive you women who stare flirtatiously.


This video has Steve Perry and Journey in it…enough said.



CHALLENGE!!!

Most of my challenges usually come in the form of music videos, today is not the case. I sat through this whole thing waiting for the killer punch line…there wasn’t one.


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And Now a Word from Andy Himself!!!

Andy's social conscience takes a turn....

You see, the gnome plight has worsened with the recent discovery of the inter-gardenation of the Gnome’s homeland. It would seem that a band of foreigners are moving in on the poor gnomes. Gnomes are naturally very kind and loving garden adornments. Their culture is peaceful and they only tend to upset the balance of nature in order to survive. These foreign objects, these self proclaimed masters of the land have shown up after generations of gnome residence.

Seen above, this gnome is a prime example of the happy well adjusted

garden adorning, peaceful nature respecting creatures that gnomes

are historically known for.

Unfortunately there is a dark side to the gnomes since they have been displaced by the resin zombies, and undergarment showing ladies. Gnomes being given a “safe zone” will only relegate the gnomes to a life of solitude and contempt towards the modern master of the garden, the resin zombies. They will ultimately be forgotten about, sidewalks built through their zombie free gnome zones. They will develop drug habits that will prematurely age them into a withered sad shell of their once proud selves.

Emaciated gnomes suffer from narcotic addictions while other gnomes
live a secluded life in the gnome save zone

Crime will ultimately be the next development in this sad social decline.

Then the police will begin to profile the once proud race of lawn protectors

Then the Gnomes will have a terrible time with unfair public perceptions
They will be looked upon to perform sexual favors to earn money for the further development of the Gnome safe zones…

Terrible fate for a noble, free ceramic man bestiality is not uncommon in the sexual gnome underground

Before long the gnomes will be singled out in the professional workplace and told they are being “downsized” for the sake of the company. You saw the profits from the last quarter earnings report. The company is as healthy as it has ever been. Gnomes know its profiling, and it’s very apparent indeed.

Gnomes losing their jobs because they are being profiled as troublemakers



Soon the public outcries begin in the gnome communities

The proud ceramic masters of the garden begin to lash out in public

The gnomes are not earning any respect from the new resin people. This land was once theirs and theirs alone!

The last sad development is the lynching of the gnomes by men.

This is a terrible development and a gruesome shame on our society. Something must be done!!! Please get active, tell the world the plight of the gnomes! For if you don’t then the gnomes will decline further and the world will be a much worse place without them standing shoulder to shoulder with us in the pursuit of liberty and justice.

Help a gnome today!

Gnomes Redux

A while back I wrote a post about Reynold the Sleep Stealing Gnome, this prompted Andy (a.k.a. awesome’s step father) to bring to light the hardships that the common garden gnome must endure. It turns out that Andy’s research into this topic was merely the tip of the iceberg. To understand why gnomes find themselves astray in this modern world we need to look at the root cause to their abhorrent behaviors. It is easy to point a finger at the drugs and alcohol, but like most addicts, the gnomes have experienced some sort of underlying trauma that led them down the path of self destruction. Yesterday I came across something that at the time I did not realize could be the causality of the gnome’s societal entropy…it was this.



Why, yes indeed that is a Garden Zombie. The typical Garden Zombie (hortus ne necros) is benign in nature (as are most creatures made of resin), but the Garden Gnome’s predisposition to trepidation as well as a distain for Caribbean religions make yards that have Garden Zombies generally off limits for the little bearded sentinels. This was just one piece of the picture…here was the next.



The Garden Shark (hortus pistrix), again fairly harmless unless stepped directly upon, conjures images of the open sea to the Garden Gnome. The Gnome, being diminutive in stature, fears waters deeper than a few inches. While coexistence between these two garden races is possible, it is fairly uncommon. Now the pattern starts to emerge as we move onto our last piece of evidence.



While Garden Gnomes have no fear of Peek-a-boo Betty (attrahere pervertere), they have a deep hatred for the pedophiles that would purchase such a lawn decoration (as do we all).

So as it is with many of our planet’s species, mythical or non-mythical, introduction of extreme environmental changes can lead to a break down in said species social structure producing the unwanted behaviors. Therefore it is up to us to stop the encroachment of the Garden Gnome’s natural habitat.

Here is how you can help.

• If you insist on other garden accoutrements please remember to create a gnome safe zone.

• If you have neighbors who don’t understand this plight, educate them.

• Set up a sanctuary for wayward gnomes by planting a garden and leaving tiny mugs of Vernor’s Ginger Ale for them.

Together I am sure we can make a difference.

Here is the WTF

Here is a little song about Owls and American Idol’s Simon Cowell



All I have to say is one word…Ham



This would be a CHALLENGE!!! If everything about it wasn’t pure awesome.


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Rhymes with Monday

Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday Monday…I don’t feel like thinking, therefore I don’t feel like writing anything.

Here is one that made me laugh, but it also creeped me out a touch…why is he not wearing a shirt?


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If you like your historical reenactments preformed by toads… than this video is for you. Warning for the squeamish, some toads do get blown up.


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I generally don’t post vlogs (video blogs for all you non-geeks) but this one made me giggle.


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I realize that I use the term “best fight scene” quite liberally, but this is the best fight scene I have ever seen (today).


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Cross Your Legs

According to this yahoo news article teen birth rate and teen homicide are both up for the first time in many years.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/hsn/20080711/hl_hsn/teenbirthrateshomicidesonincreasereportshows

Personally I find these statistics rather frightening. I had no idea that mothers were giving birth to teen age children. I blame the growth hormones in our milk. As a second time expecting father I certainly am not prepared for my wife to give birth to a teenager, babies are hard enough. Not to mention I have no idea how we could possibly explain to our 6 year old why her “younger” sister gets to drive the car and she doesn’t. As far as the teen homicide statistic raising as well…that just makes sense. Of course if you have a whole group of newborn 13 to 19 year olds running around without the benefit of a proper upbringing, someone is bound to get killed.

Now that I think about it I think this teen birth phenomenon is even more disturbing than the “babies having babies” trend from the mid eighties.

Every one loves Warwick Davis. The man’s career has spanned from Wicket from Return of the Jedi, to Willow, four Leprechaun movies, even to the Harry Potter Franchise. Here is a chance to think of him a little different. Here is a scene from a movie called Skinned Deep...OMGWTF!!!!


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The Yellow Pages are so much cooler in Germany, this commercial proves it.
NSFW due to a few quick nipple shots.

Until I can find a way to embed this video here is a link that will get you there

http://cl1.clipster.ws/contents/ubahn01_00.swf

Making a Man Out of You

In Indonesia an elderly woman by the name of Mak Erot recently died, why should you be concerned by this fact?…I’ll get to that in a moment, but first I should announce that Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country are offering a combo free meal to anyone who comes into their restaurants this Friday dressed as a cow. I myself and thoroughly distraught over the fact that the only Chick-fil-A restaurant located in the greater Detroit Metropolitan area happens to be in Rochester, a lengthily drive from my house. I honestly don’t believe that it would be wise to travel such a distance on busy roads such as 696 and 75 while sporting an artificial udder… think of the teat chaffing that would occur. Chick-fil-A is just one example of many restaurants that seem to drag their feet when it comes to Michigan. Sonic, another drive-thru dick tease has been torturing us for years with commercials and just finally starting to build restaurants this year. I am convinced that there is some sort of secret society whose sole purpose is to make sure that Jack-in-the-box, Perkins, and Waffle House are to never cross the Ohio/Michigan border. All and all it appears that we here in Michigan will be stuck for the most part with the same old fast food fare and sit down sustenance we have been subject to for the last half of a century and miss the opportunity to experience more.

Speaking of missing opportunities…back to the subject of Mak Erot.

This Indonesian granny claimed to be anywhere between 101 and 130 years old, a confusion that I cannot seem to wrap my head around (21 years is quite the gap not to be able to account for). Her age though is not what is important, what is important was her technique of using ancient herbs and chanting Islamic prayer. Her skills were not passed on, and are now lost to the world forever. People like you and I will never benefit from her special skill because we learned of it only after her death. Yes Mak Erot had a special…nay… mystical skill that allowed her to increase the size of a man’s penis. I am not sure that we will ever see such talent again in this world, and I think that the world in general is worse off because of it.

Rest in Peace Mak Erot for today mankind has lost something great.

I guess I will stick to liberally showering my junk with MANDOM.

Perhaps my hope can be restored, for it seems that this Japanese stop watch has miraculous powers of its own, or at least I think that is what this commercial is about.


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I love British humor, and sometimes I am envious of the television shows that they have across the pond. This is not one of those times. I can only image the countless children who grew up scarred in the U.K. as a result of this children’s show.


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Here is another quality piece of cinema, starring none other than Billy Bob Thorton.


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The Platypus Got Nothin’

Today’s search for WTF was so disappointing that I nearly determined that I would not post anything. That is when I looked over at my little friend…the Uni-dragon-rocket-duck. What some people may see as just the paint scraped off of the half wall by many years of careless chair swiveling, I see as a symbol of love and hope. Uni-dragon-rocket-duck (who I have named Horace) reminds us that no matter how messed things seem at the time, they will never be as messed up as he is. Horace doesn’t let life get him down, and neither should you. In the end I decided to post the two mediocre videos that I found. It doesn’t matter that I feel that they don’t fit the mold of true WTF (or in the case of the second video, it’s just beyond WTF) because anyone who comes to my site today can revel in the soothing glory that is Horace the Uni-dragon-rocket-duck.



Childish and predictable, but worth a potty humor laugh

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

I don’t even think that I could classify this one as a CHALLENGE!!! It makes so little sense and is so painful that I don’t even think it fair to challenge you to watch it.

Unfortunately I did.


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My Head is Cold

Denmark has been ranked happiest country in the world, Canada and Northern Ireland also made high marks. I was pondering these facts when I realized that there was a similar criterion for all three of these countries, they are the proverbial hats of larger grumpier countries. Now that we know that “hat countries” are happy countries the real key is to look at what type of hat each country is. This helps up determine just how happy a county is.

Here is Northern Ireland:



As you can see, while N.I. is definitely the hat of Ireland, it is merely the Bowler hat of its southern neighbor, nice, but hardly extravagant.

Canada.



Canada has a subtle trucker hat quality. Enough to keep road glare out of the U.S.’s eyes, yet more functional than formal.

Now we come to the point where it becomes obvious why Denmark is the happiest “hat country” around.



One look at the gaiety that hat exudes and it is no wonder the people of Denmark are as happy as clams.

So what have we learned today? Nothing really, but I am not here to teach you as much as waste your time.

Now to the WTF

I think that this is best left with no introduction.



CHALLENGE!!!

I survived the whole thing, see if you can.

I think it was the mustaches that kept me going…or was it the seventies style porn music?


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Ummersay Ovinglay (or how I effectively use Latin)

It is no secret to those who know me that I hate summer. I generally spend 20 percent of a hot summer day just griping about how hot it is. I have always maintained that spring and fall are the superior seasons and winter is good as long as there is snow, but summer can bite my ass no matter what. Here is the point where all the phthisiophiliacs* out there start throwing arguments my way.

“But Todd, summer is great for cook outs!”

Charcoal burns year round and propane works well in spring and fall also.

“But Todd, when else am I going to work on my tan?”

Melanoma

“But Todd, think of all the great summer clothes!”

If cold you can always add more layers, but when hot you can only get so naked…legally.

“But Todd, when else can I thoroughly enjoy water sports?”

And that was the point where I used to concede defeat. Sure there are indoor pools and water parks, but nothing competes with being out on the open water… Or so I thought.

Open water is no longer safe thanks to the brain eating amoebas, and the phenomenon known as secondary drowning.

“But Todd, surely you jest, there are no brain eating amoebas, and who has ever heard of secondary drowning?”

There are and I have.

Naegleria fowleri is an amoeba that is quite commonly found in still warm waters. Generally considered harmless, this amoeba, if inhaled nasally has the ability to multiply in the nasal and sinus cavities where it then migrates into your brain and begins to devour your grey matter with a 97 percent fatality rate. By the time physical symptoms begin to occur, it is too late to save the patient.

Secondary Drowning is a condition that occurs up to 24 hours after a victim leaves a pool or body of water. It stems from a primary near drowning, or inhalation of water. This is nature’s mulligan. If someone has inhaled an appropriate amount of water, and they do not expel it, it can begin to change lung chemistry leading to respiratory collapse and death.

Now if the less than 200 victims world wide from these two fatalities are not enough to get you to hate summer, then I don’t know what else to do to convince you that I am right.

Yes I said less than 200 world wide.

My Cousin Kris once again tipped me off to an extremely excellent clip of WTF, enjoy all nine minutes of it.



I am trying to figure out if this is a spoof or not. I hope not, because I so want to make use of this service.


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I don’t care if you don’t like heavy metal music, cleavage, or Russians, this has got to be the best music video I have seen in quite a while.


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Thank great green gravy that we keep sending all of our jobs over seas. I know that I wouldn’t want to work in conditions like this, I am just glad that some one else will do it, so that our economy can suffer.


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I have always thought that Phyllis Diller was probably one of the most frightening things to crawl this terra firma; someone else seems to have agreed. The only problem is that I cannot figure out witch one is the animatronic zombie, and which one is Ms. Diller.


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* Contrary to the implication of my sentence using this term, phthisiophiliacs, are not lovers of summer, sunshine, or any associated summer activity. Phthisiophilia is actually defined as an extreme love of tuberculosis; I just thought the word looked fancy.

Normal Around the Corner

Here is just one little ditty to wrap up the week with. NSFW


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Modes of Transportation

Despite being busy I will update damn it!

Enjoy

This one is called We are the Cyclist


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Here is a little ditty called Rainbow Road is Where We Go When We Die



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Of Little Words

In lieu of my work week actually involving work this week, you can expect less rambling from me. I am sure some of you are disappointed, while others are probably celebrating. Yet a majority of you will never notice the difference because you don’t feel like having the purity of the WTF besmudged by my inane diatribes, and seldom look at anything but the videos themselves.

No matter how you choose to enjoy or suffer through toddsift, do so responsibly.

There are so many things to say about this Finnish Folk Death Metal video that I think it is best that I don’t say anything at all.


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Here is a clip that I passed up quite a while ago in fears that it was a bit too homo-erotic for toddsift. As this site has evolved, however, I think that this is no more disturbing than anything else I post.



This is a happy little clip involving three things.
1. Someone’s Grandma
2. A birthday party for said grandma
3. A Dildo


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