Eight is Enough?

All that I can say is wow. Tom found this one, and this one alone is good enough to grace us today.



OK so I lied. I can’t get over how awesome the drummer of this band is. I could watch him all day.


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Mr. Kent suggested this one, and being a lazy ass today, I have obliged. It’s kinda chocked full of NSFW Language.


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Andrew Lloyd Webber Wrote CATS

After attempting to wash my shame away with my daily MANDOM bath this morning, I was left with some pondering time before I had to leave for work. I pondered about man’s need for the domesticated pet. I myself am a dog person, but some people prefer cats. Obviously those are the people who don’t partake in the manliest of rituals, like MANDOM, potato gardening, squat thrusts, and clean and jerks. That is OK because it takes all kinds to make this world go around. If you’re a dame or a soft fella, cats are just fine pets. After all, they require far less attention than dogs, and they generally smell better.

Pondering this morning about animals must have been some sort of cosmic precursor to me finding this highly educational and informative video.


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If you think about it really, why stop at the dog and cat when it comes to the hierarchy of the domestic companion? Why not get a moose? In fact why not get a moose, videotape its growth and daily habits, edit the footage to some wacky polka music, and then upload the whole thing to the internet? Oh! I know the reason why, because it is likely to end in the trampling death of at least one of your family members. That possibility didn’t stop these IKEA loving short short wearing Scandinavian bastards.


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I guess there are worse fates than moose trampling. There is dinosaur rape.


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The Old Video Buffet

It appears that yesterday’s visual smorgasbord has left its crumbs on the proverbial beard of the WTF fat man that is this blog. No rhyme, no reason, just a smattering of what the interwebs had to offer today.

First off, the Incredible journey of Higgins Von Higgins. This piece of cinematic genius has just the right length, pacing, and effects to make it Oscar worthy.


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Every one knows that I am not racist. I would have to tolerate my own race first. Having said that… I hope that I do not offend any one from Kenya. Wait a minute, yes I do hope to offend some Kenyans. Offend them deeply for trying to follow up King of my Village (refer to 3/12 post)with this paltry offering. Baby Police Indeed!


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Tiny Tim was creating primo WTF before I was even born. I hear the outcries for proof. Well here you go. If you can confuse Johnny Carson into silence you are the master.


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This is one of those videos that test your will. Can you actually make it through to the end? Personally I think that the moose knuckle on Rem Lazar is enough to scare away the bravest of souls.


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Let’s rap today up with a transvestite nursing dog.


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Esplozion in Yo Fase!

Some of my favorite journeys into WTFdom end in laughter. Some journeys leave me slack jawed and confused, and some just make me weep. Today’s journey encompassed all three. I will not try to comprehend what these videos mean, and neither should you. I fear doing so might cause and aneurism.

Ah, the classically animated music video. This is such a simple concept, a song about the beach, lobsters, and race wars.


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This Flash animated video plays out slightly like Homestarrunner meats a Cadbury Crème Egg commercial with a healthy dose of WTF thrown in.


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I don’t know if this is a new trend in Euro-pop videos, but it should probably stop. I can understand the cultural tie of retro videogames to indy music, but this is just bizarre.


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If that was bizarre, this is just plain frightening.


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Had enough yet? I am sure you have. Let us switch gears to something a little less messed up. Here is one found by Chris.



To keep our musical theme going, Andy supplied me with this one. The fall of communism has spawned a few bastard children. The Leningrad Cowboys are one of those children. Yes they are Russian. Yes they are singing “Sweet Home Alabama”. Yes that is the Red Army Choir singing back up. I don’t know if the hair is real, but some things just need to remain a mystery.

Potpourri

So far most of my posts have had some sort of continuity and flow to them. Today is not the case. I felt wrong doing this, but then figured if I was posting WTF there is no reason not to be WTF. So here you go.

Up first: This has to be my favorite technical glitch ever, and it is followed by what appears to be a microphone to close to someone’s rectum. This just furthers the proof that there is no need for ESPN 2.


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Well I guess that I shouldn’t complain. Our television could be like Haiti’s. This video makes me think of Napoleon Dynamite. The first time I saw that movie I felt I wasted an hour and a half of my life, but after a couple of days I couldn’t get it out of my head. I dismissed this video as quickly, but now here it is.


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This video is sure to invoke the anti-racist song sung by the sky scrapers. I don’t know if I have ever heard a more uncomfortable pause in my life.


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Why this video you ask? The whole thing is worth it to here Patrick Stewart yell motherf#@&rs. Obviously there is some NSFW language.


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Well, we have come full circle, back to the flatulence.


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Todd's Cause of the Week

Being molested by clowns is just a part of everyday life. Like mosquitoes in the summer, and snow in the winter, clown molestation is something that I have just come to expect. I thought that these creepy face-painted perverts were just nature’s way of keeping us on our toes. Now after finding this video I see that this is not a natural occurrence, but a precision attack against us Non-Clowns. There seems to be an al qaeda-esque group of clowns making training videos for thousands of clown sleeper cells in this country, and when these sleeper cells activate there will be no escape for us Non-Clowns. The tenacity of this group is frightening in its fundamentalism. The instructor ever decides to ad-lib a few lines from the Bible to justify “touching”. I am no Biblical scholar, but I am pretty sure that Jesus never said it was O.K. to fondle geriatrics. It is now time for us Non-Clowns to step up and band together and protect ourselves by extreme means. I am not suggesting C.C.C.s (Clown Concentration Camps) or mass Clownicide, but perhaps a total deportation of clowns to France. I see a long road ahead for us Non-Clowns, but with persistence, I believe we will eventually be able to walk down the streets of downtown at night without fear of clown molestation.

Plus the clergy will not have to vie for competition any longer.



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Speaking of Jesus, here are a few Easter Bunny themed videos in celebration of the past Holiday weekend.


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I Own an XBOX 360

If you are not a historian like me then you probably haven’t paid that much attention to Hershal Zergot’s Documentation of the Fluffy Rainbow War. It all started when Princess Lollipop of Zamambia lost her magic crown. This allowed the Witch-King of Dark Meats to cast her into the Fleet Footed Never Troll’s cavern and imprison her. The people suffered dearly under the reign of the Witch-King, until one day when a trollopop named Marthusiel the Small came to the Princess’s rescue. Marthusiel had no intention on finding himself entwined in the fates of the big people. He merely used the troll’s caverns as a means to transport wallopberries to the chipmunks in exchange for the tree elixirs he desperately needed to heal his sickly wife. The Three Sisters of Asulia (the most powerful deities in all of Zamambia), had greater plans in store for the little trollopop. The Sisters charged him with the quest of rescuing the Princess, finding the Nineteen Grand items of Gravy, and burnishing Great Globe of the Gibbon Lord. Together, with the help of a kindly patch of moss and a cup of soup, Marthusiel and Princess Lollipop accomplished these tasks finally realizing that the magic lie in them and not the Princess’s crown. The Witch-King then became nervous when he realized that the Gibbon Lord had regained his confidence, and was amassing an army armed with the nineteen items. The Witch-King prematurely sent forth his troops to Sugar-toes Valley to head off the Gibbon Lord. This gave Marthusiel and the Princess time to return to the castle unnoticed and defeat the Witch-King themselves. This restored peace to the land, and its marmots.

You may wonder why I put you through all of that. Simple really, it makes far less sense than this video does. I thought it might give you the proper perspective.


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Princess Lollipop(pictured with magical crown)

Methusiel

The Witch-King of Dark Meat

The Gibbon Lord

It’s Tuber Time

Spring is almost upon us, and this being Michigan it looks like we get to welcome it in with snow. Yeah! Do not worry though, my succulent little plow jockeys, the ground will thaw soon enough. When that day comes we will don our muck boots, aprons and trowels, and head to our vegetable gardens. What’s that you say… you don’t garden? Have you learned nothing from bathing in the case of Mandom you purchased after yesterdays posts? Working the good soil is equivalent to toughness. I dare you to call a farmer a wuss. You’ll find your ass John Deered so fast you won’t know what hit you.

I have spent these many winter months in contemplation of my garden layout. I wasn’t sure what to plant first. Providence struck me as I searched for today’s videos. I was granted an epiphany in the form of this video.



Certainly the uses of the “apple of the ground” seemed limitless after that vision. I had to make a decision, what shall I use my potatoes for? The answer came to me in the second part of my grand revelation.



My happiness was soon edged with fear. While learning the answers that I sought, I was also given a prophetical glimpse into the future. The little Japanese boy would grow up, his love of the potato chip would not wane, but the results of ignoring his freaky dog would ever change the world.


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WHY LITTLE JAPANESE BOY, WHY!?!?!?!?!
You should never ignore your pet for the sake of possible future bukkake. Has Mandom taught you nothing? Respect for nature will always lead you down the pathway to carnal pleasures. Ignoring your dog will only lead you to murder and dramatic chip eating!

Now that I have seen the future laid out before me I know that it is better not to plant the garden after all. Why risk upsetting the balance of the universe?

Besides, gardening is a rather girly thing to do.

MANDOM!!!!!!

Men listen up! You want to make all the dames swoon don’t you? I know I do. That is why everyday I ride my horse bareback down to the mill to chop the wood that I need to build the garage to hold the cars that I work on shirtless. I need those cars so that I can go to the football games and drink all the beer and manhattans that give me the stamina to work out. Working out helps me look my best in my tuxedo. The tuxedo I wear when I want to take my little lady out for the night, where we dine on red meat… and pure lust. After the lovemaking, I contemplate all the manliness that my musky rippling body contains, and a tear comes to my brutish yet sensitive eye. I cry because I realize that while I am a man, I don’t come close to this level of man, the Mandom Man.


















I am also not as manly as that man’s man, Scott, is. He used his raw testosterone driven biceps and triceps to move his strong masculine hands to find today’s gems, and for that I owe him a porterhouse steak, or a new socket set.

Erin Go Bragh!!!!

So this morning, in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I was contemplating the deli tray and its relationship with the price of pickles. It seems that most deli trays have pickles on them, but how often are those pickles haplessly cast away at the end of day because only a handful of tray partakers partook in said pickles. Yet despite the waste of our briny friends, caterers still insist on including pickles. There can be only two explanations for this. 1. The pickle cost to consumption ratio fairs heavier on the consumption side. 2. All caterers are on drugs, the same kind of drugs that spawned videos such as this one.


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If you are like me, after watching that little acid trip, you need something to clear your mind. What says clear the mind like a nice little song by Telly Savalas shot with sphincter cam?


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The Swedish, the Nazis, and Walt Disney

Why must we insist on living in the past? On the way into work today I heard that CW50 (formerly the WB, formerly UPN 50, formerly Fox Detroit, formerly WKBD 50) is planning on producing a remake of the long running Beverly Hills 90210. So many of the shows and movies of our childhood have been remade and repackaged that I am becoming convinced that we will never see a new idea again. There is a Smurf movie in the works for Pete’s sake!!!! All I can say is that if you are going to dig up the treasures of my childhood, the least you can do for me is a Gummi Bear 5 part mini-series on either ABC or NBC (I don’t care which). This show was the pinnacle of the 1980’s capitalistic Saturday morning cartoon. Most cartoons in the 80’s were nothing more than half hour commercials for toys, i.e. Transformers, GI Joe, Gem, but it took a true stroke of genius to make a show based on candy. Not just any candy, but a candy enjoyed by little German children since the 1920’s when it was invented by Hans Riegel of the Haribo candy company. This candy however was not made in the U. S. until 1982, and a mere 3 years later the cartoon (no doubt to bolster sagging sales in the lil’ Kraut Candy) came to be. I think that there was more to this than just candy sales. Disney produced The Gummi Bear show, and we all know of the rumored Anti-Semitic opinions of one Mr. Walt Disney. In disliking the Children of Israel, Walt aligned himself with the people of Nazi Germany. What you ask was the goal of Nazi Germany? The answer is conquest. Hitler never conquered Sweden in WWII. As a result of this tactical decision, Sweden was left with ample resources after WWII to create Swedish Fish in 1958 and export them to the U.S. This corruption of the original pure German Gummi Bear struck a cord in Walt Disney as yet another Nazi Defeat. That is why Walt put into play a plan to destroy the U.S. Swedish Fish market with the Gummi Bear television show, but his death in 1966 delayed the plan some nearly 20 years.

Speaking of Sweden, here is a clip from a Swedish television show.


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BANANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In honor of Chris, and his nearing departure, today is all about monkeys. Now I know what you are thinking, monkeys are so yesterday, its all about pirates and ninjas nowadays. Here me out, these monkeys are here for a cause. As you can see by my picture, I am the epitome of all things healthy. I crave a good workout as much as the next guy, and of course I finish off my workout routine with a nice ripe banana every day. You of course are no doubt saying.
“Todd, I to enjoy a daily workout of squat thrusts and clean and jerks topped off with a banana smoothie or split.” After seeing the terrible plight our frivolous wasting of the banana supply is causing our primate pals, I felt compelled to post monkey videos. Perhaps once we have corrected the situation I will return to posting ninja and pirate videos again.

First up… Scary Monkey




Hypnotic Monkey



My personal favorite, Cute Monkey



So join me my brothers and sisters in the No Banana after Workout Cause! Together we can make NoBAWoC a strong organization for a stronger tomorrow!

I am the Man and I'm Keeping You Down

So Kwame pulled the race card last night. Essentially, my take on what Kwame was saying is that we are racist because we don’t understand that within the black culture it is O.K. to cost the city millions of dollars, cheat on our wives and kill strippers to cover up a party. Then again I might be mistaken. True oppression is a despicable thing, but pretending that you are oppressed infuriates me. Now that I got that off of my chest I will continue my white devil roll by posting this.


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I don’t know what is more awesome, the fact that one of the actors last name is Koldsweat, or that there was a flaming turnip tied to a model car in that trailer.

And now for a video that probably won’t cause people to hate me.


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Hooray for Japan!

Here is a couple from the Land of the Rising Sun.


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I will warn you, this is 35 minutes long. There is no need to watch it all because there is enough WTF packed into the first couple of moments to tide you over.



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Why Did I Major in Television?!?!?!

Working in the television industry can be depressing sometimes. You can sit down in a studio surrounded by thousands of dollars worth of equipment. Take your raw footage, and encode it into an editor. Spend an hour editing for every minute shot. Lay your final product off onto a professional format, and never create something as awesome as this.


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For your further enjoyment, visit www.fredandsharonsmovies.com to view Fred and Sharon's entire body of work.

Crabs and Pee

Today is Oral Action Packed Friday. I know what you are thinking, and you can take care of that yourself at home.

Up first, a mouth full of crabs, yes crabs in the mouth. This song will be in my head for the rest of the weekend at least.


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I know I often get bored at the urinal. To stave off peaking at others junk, many establishments have made potty modifications. Most bars will put the sports pages up in front of the can or, if they are an especially lucrative establishment, a plasma. Why stop there, why not an incredibly scary clown head, who’s mouth you can pee in… why not indeed.


Creepy Asian Clown Urinal - Watch more free videos

Stanley Kubrick's Foray into Children's Shows

Today I was trapped in a studio so I didn’t really get a chance to look for a good video. Don’t despair my kiddies, whilst I stood behind a camera trying to stay awake, my crack team of ninjas were hard at work. By team, I mean one person, and by ninja, I mean Chris, and by hard at work, I mean looking at youtube. There really are no words to describe what you are about to see. There isn’t any explanation of why this video was created that I would accept. All in all it is pure WTF mixed with juvenile humor, and a lot of time on the hands. It is quirky and odd, but when you hit the minute mark things really go sideways. There is a System of a Down song that is called "This Cocaine Makes Me Feel Like I'm On This Song". I think that sentiment is perfectly fitting to this video as well.



P.S. If you are curious about System of a Down lyrics visit your local library, or this website http://www.metrolyrics.com/this-cocaine-makes-me-feel-like-im-on-this-song-lyrics-system-of-a-down.html.

Grumpy

I hate people. I have made that statement more times than I can count. Every time I watch the local news, or read an article online, or drive on 696 this feeling gets reinforced. I am not a racist, nor am I an ultranationalist; I just hate the world in general. As a result of my blanket hate I sit on my rooftop every night with a giant magnet hoping to attract a comet to destroy us all. If you enjoy hate as much as I do then I think you will understand today’s posts.

In the late 1980’s Rambo was the new Chuck Norris, as a result, the only logical path of action was to make a music video about him.


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Well as you can imagine after a decade or two this video eventually made its way into the hands of the illustrious Kim Jong-Il. Good ol’ Kim thinks that everything is about him, so naturally he assumed that those were North Korean Soldiers that Rambo was killing. We can have a laugh because: A. Rambo is fictitious and B. It is obvious that those soldiers were Pennsylvania Dutch. As a result of Kim’s confusion he put together this little anti American propaganda song. WARNING!!!! This video contains language not suitable for small children, the average workplace, or teddy bear farms.


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Ok, now that we got the country hating out of the way, lets move on to racism.



You may ask, what inspired that skyscraper to sing about racism? Well I can tell you, it was this video, and no she is not naked.



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I hope you enjoyed today’s swim in unjustified hatred… you jerks.

Turkey Club with Fries

This morning I spent more than 2 hours scouring my usual sources on the internets. Fruitless were my efforts. I thought for sure that there would be no post today, but then I found hope. I found hope in the form of a link that showed true promise, Evil Turkish Spiderman.


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While the guinea pigs (or as some call them ginny pigs) gnawing a victim’s face off seemed to be as WTF the Turks could give us, I hoped there would be more. I was not disappointed. Enter Turkish Rambo, with his low powered, ever reloading rocket launcher. This masterful piece of cinema has some of the greatest death scenes. The western thespian world could learn a thing or two from actors such as these. I am positive that the final villain is the genetic offspring of Vincent Price and Inside the Actor's Studio's James Lipton. The cost of creating this genetic anomaly ate up most of the budget.



Why stop at Rambo when you can continue to infringe international copyright laws. Turkish Superman is yet another romp into the world of ridiculous. I still don’t know why it was necessary for Superman to climb into the truck to stop it instead of just using his massive strength to grab the bumper. Then again I am no Superman, so who am I to question his tactics.



An action movie is only as good as its explosions and montages…having said that, this movie must be crap.


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I apologize to any of my Armenian audience I may have offended by posting products of Turkey.

Monday Strikes With a Vengeance

I think it is pretty obvious that bad ideas are universal. People make mistakes all across the globe, its part of being human. It does amaze me though, when people across the globe make, what would appear to be, identical mistakes. Mistakes like; they can sing, disco isn’t dead, and low budget videos are entertaining. I don’t know if this was coincidence that theses two videos were made, or if it was some sort of secret underground plot by the illuminati, all I know is they make me want to scrub myself clean of their awfulness.


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Speaking of scrubbing myself clean… I always try to do it with as many men as possible. In fact sometimes I just let them scrub me while we all sing a cheery tune about soap and water. Don’t believe me, well here is some home video.



If that isn’t horrifying enough here is some more drunken German midgets. A la Werner Herzog’s Auch Zwerge Haben Klein Angefangen (Even Dwarves Started Small).



To quote one of the best television shows of all time, Futurama, “You watched it…you can’t unwatch it!”