According to a BBC News story I was reading, 12 people were hospitalized and an additional 39 people received treatment due inhalation of a chlorine gas cloud that formed as a result of an acid spill at a factory in Essex England yesterday. The Essex Fire and Rescue could be seen entering the facility in gas-tight chemical suits after the staff of over 150 workers was evacuated. The article detailed the exact cause of the chlorine gas cloud as being the result of sodium hypochlorite (bleach) mixing with hydrochloric acid (really bad burny stuff).
Industrial accidents are scary events, but the even scarier truth behind this article was what sort of factory the accident occurred in. Was it a chemical weapons plant? No, too obvious. Perhaps it was some sort of waste processing facility? Again no, but that would be a good guess. Surely it was a factory that makes industrial cleaners. Of course not, instead this factory produces some of the most hideously malignant substances on earth…This factory makes jam.
Before you strike off on some sort of pro-jam diatribe at me consider the following. While jam provides a delightfully sweet treatment for your morning toast and some of the finer connoisseurs would suggest that jam adds a much needed dimension to the classic PB&J, recall if you will how many times you have found that you have mysteriously acquired a smudge of the sticky condiment upon your elbow at your local breakfast eatery. Individuals merely have to lean against a table at Denny’s incorrectly to find themselves dappled with preserves undoubtedly left behind by the untidy hands of the toddler who dined there previously.
Yes ladies and gentlemen Jam has an agenda. Its goal in life is to spread its fructose laden gooey corpus from person to person until we all become covered in its sticky mass and the ants of the world rise up and devour us all. Still don’t believe me? Let us review the evidence at hand.
· Jam has the adherent properties that allow it to innocuously spread from table to individual.
· Jam has a highly celebrated public image, allowing it to enter into many facets of our culinary lives.
· Jam has the ability to subconsciously manipulate innocent children into smearing their sticky fingers along the sides of public eating tables.
· Most alarming, Jam has the capability to over turn vats of acid and bleach on its factory workers who show signs of rebellion against the Jam Absolutum Dominium.
If you wish to join my freedom fight you need only remember one simple fact; every jam spot you discover can easily be dispatched with a liberal dose of MANDOM. By repeatedly showering yourself with MANDOM, not only will you reduce the spread of Jam, but you will contribute to the over all manly musky quality of the air.
Remember kids like always Charles Bronson says,
“It’s your choice MANDOM or Jam Doom”
We are going to keep the WTF kinky today.
The Balloon Fetishists seem to be getting bolder these days, what with YouTube and all. This one definitely takes the cake by constructing his very own “6 days dead in shallow waters bloated Superman” costume.
via videosift.com
This is one of those videos that you could haplessly toss the moniker of CHALLENGE!!! onto, but seeing that only the first 10 seconds of this 10 minute loop is enough to make the point, a CHALLENGE!!! this is not. Watch and be disturbed by the violent anal rape of Donald Duck at the hands of his own nephew. Walt Disney is a cold bastard.
via videosift.com
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