toddsift: Todd's Cause of the Week

Being molested by clowns is just a part of everyday life. Like mosquitoes in the summer, and snow in the winter, clown molestation is something that I have just come to expect. I thought that these creepy face-painted perverts were just nature’s way of keeping us on our toes. Now after finding this video I see that this is not a natural occurrence, but a precision attack against us Non-Clowns. There seems to be an al qaeda-esque group of clowns making training videos for thousands of clown sleeper cells in this country, and when these sleeper cells activate there will be no escape for us Non-Clowns. The tenacity of this group is frightening in its fundamentalism. The instructor ever decides to ad-lib a few lines from the Bible to justify “touching”. I am no Biblical scholar, but I am pretty sure that Jesus never said it was O.K. to fondle geriatrics. It is now time for us Non-Clowns to step up and band together and protect ourselves by extreme means. I am not suggesting C.C.C.s (Clown Concentration Camps) or mass Clownicide, but perhaps a total deportation of clowns to France. I see a long road ahead for us Non-Clowns, but with persistence, I believe we will eventually be able to walk down the streets of downtown at night without fear of clown molestation.

Plus the clergy will not have to vie for competition any longer.