Apparently a few days ago a Swiss man died as a result of a spitting contest. He and his buddy had a contest to see how far off their hotel balcony they could spit. Not to be outdone by his friend, the victim got a running start from inside the room, and failed to stop when he hit the railing of the balcony. He fell only approximately 20 feet, but it proved to be fatal. I am going to take a wild stab in the dark and guess that alcohol might have had some part in it all. In fact I don’t think that the story that was given was true at all. Here is how I see the events playing out.
12:43pm – Ernst, Linus and Markus leave their collective hotel room for a day on the town.
7:53pm РAfter spending the entire afternoon shopping for new pocket knives Ernst, Linus, and Markus decide to head to the local Discoth̬que to grind away on some ecstasy-hopped up 17 year-old girls while listening to the best Euro-pop.
10:27pm РNot finding very many ecstasy-hopped up 17 year-old girls, and far too many ecstasy-hopped up 17 year old homosexual males at the local Discoth̬que, Ernst, Linus and Markus leave in search of sustenance.
10:34pm – Ernst, Linus and Markus enter a Pick-Pay grocery store and purchase 4 Toblerone Chocolate Bars, and two cases of Ackermann Beer.
11:03pm – Ernst, Linus and Markus, now feeling the effect of the Swiss beer and chocolate, stumble into a local park and begin to harass a homeless man.
11:14pm – Linus, suffering from a broken nose as a result of a “Jackie Chan Style” fight with the homeless man, angrily stumbles back to their collective hotel room to “sleep it off”.
11:24pm – Ernst and Markus risk jail time and pay for the services of one “Fraulein Fister” in the red light district. Neither man is aware that Fister is a transsexual.
12:07am – Ernst and Markus return to their hotel room to find Linus asleep on the toilet wearing no pants. Ernst and Markus move Linus to his bed and continue to drink.
1:16am – An incoherent call to room service is received. In the background, the service attendant can hear a man yelling something about German Pornography and a spitting contest.
2:24am – A fist fight breaks out over the last uneaten Toblerone between Ernst and Markus.
2:25am – The fistfight ends when Linus wakes up. Linus's eyes are swollen mostly shut due to the broken nose, through them sees what appears to him as two men fighting over a dildo at the foot of his bed, he is pantless and German porn rages in the background. Linus yells a few choice obscenities appropriate for just this sort of situation. The yell startles Markus into letting go of the Toblerone, sending Ernst off balance and out onto the balcony where he falls over the railing ending his life in a horror style gore-fest.
2:27 – Markus and Linus share the last Toblerone, before calling the police.
So…Speaking of those Kooky Europeans, here is a segment from an Italian variety show in which a construction worker removes a ladies clothing with an excavator. No nudity for you perverts out there, just skivvies.
via videosift.com
So…Speaking of Euro-pop, here is a Japanese Whiskey commercial starring Duran Duran as Bobble heads along with a lot of creepy dolls.
via videosift.com
So…Speaking of fights breaking out, here is a clip that I cannot begin to understand. It starts with a gunfight, and ends with a drum solo.
via videosift.com
So…Speaking of Jackie Chan style fights, here is where Jackie learned his moves.
via videosift.com
So…Speaking of Jail time and Gore-fests, here is the trailer for Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison.
via videosift.com
So…Speaking of jail time, Jackie Chan style fighting, Gore-fests, but not Toblerone, here is a great big mess.
via videosift.com
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