Damn Dirty Apes

The world is a darker place today. Charlton Heston is with the angels… angels with rifles. Throughout his 83 years 6 months and 1day Chuck Heston gave the world a perpetual gift of awesome. Along with names like Chuck Norris, William Shatner, and Bahhatur Aydinlisoy*, the very mention of Charlton’s name stirs a deep resonance within us all.

Heston didn’t act in movies, his talent was so raw and powerful that movies simply assembled themselves around him. One day someone put one of our simian cousins in the room with Charlton and Planet of the Apes was born. Unfortunately a few years later a B movie director tried the same experiment and this was the result.


via videosift.com

Like when Heston played Moses, the leader and prophet to the Israelites, Chuck can also teach and lead us in this modern world. Never before has there been an actor who took a role by the balls as much as Chuck. This teaches us that we need to take life by the balls. Not only take it by the balls, but force it to do our bidding, make us pancakes, clean our toilets, and walk our dogs. The term overacting comes to many peoples minds when they think of Charlton Heston. Those people are fools; Heston was so far beyond overacting he reached a new plateau. Just like the Koreans have reached a new plateau with this pizza. Can’t decide whether you want bratwurst or pizza…they say don’t.


via videosift.com

So now, in honor of the passing of Charlton Heston, I am posting something so bizarre and perverse that human eyes should not look upon it. This runs along the same vein as horse-head Japanese guy cooks mushrooms, but with high production values. Chuck would have been proud.


via videosift.com


*A name I made up for the actor who played Turkish Rambo